Feel and fall are synonyms .

Somehow Something

I want to be somebody .

I'm just going to write ... I'm just going to write all the things I tend to write in paper , so this world will be even more contaminated , so this head will be even more contaminated ... so may be ... just maybe ... I could loose my head ... and end it .

I'm ... how could I describe me ? I wouldn't be able of doing it , everything is just wrong , I'm ... okay let's start with some physical stuff ? Mmm I'm a little bit to short (no the cute type , I'm just short not really hella short , but I'm way shorter than most of the people ) I'm big ... that's what a lot of people say ... and at the end I just can't help it but see myself that way too . It's actually one of the things I hate the most ... being big ... not in the sense of being thick or fat (which I am too ) but being thick in the way of having big-ass shoulders ... and no neck ... because I'm fat ...another reason could be my bad position ... is just that ... I can't help it I'm so tupid ... why I'm I writing this ? ... I'll just go on ... so may be I'll hate myself even more than I already do . I don't want to continue with this , is physical ... so I don't want to think I just hate myself because of my appearance even tho is a big part of the hate towards this stupid human being , in resume I'm fat , ugly and when I say ugly , I'm saying ugly . Gross facial structure , round face and hella asymmetrical , actually , my whole body is asymmetrical , I'm an asymmetrical human , ugly scars , not a lot of acne in my opinion my chin ... my chin is a thing ... not precisely a good one , I have big ears ... really big ears , I wouldn't be able of actually telling if I see it that way because they are ugly and big , because I'm dumb or because when I was younger they called me dumbo ;-; (the elephant that could fly with his ears ) ... my hair ... is short ... not to short , not as short as I would like to ... my parents aren't as open minded as I would need them to be ... but who I'm I to judge , I hate my hands ... I may be because my father told me once that they looked like and obese child hands (ain't lying tho) but I hate them , they have triangulated fingers and fat ... my fingers have hair and they are fat ( I actually have more hair I would like to admit ) I actually like the almond of my nails but they grow in a weird way , it may be because my fingers are tilted (? Somehow , if that makes sense , but what I hate the most ... is how useless they are , I see people that sadly weren't born with them , or had accidents ... and I cry because they are so amazing ... they do things and fight for doing what they love even with such a though path ... and I'm there ... being useless just drawing shit and killing the poor trees ... I would like to give them my hands , so that way they can do something useful with them ... but I know that I'm probably too coward and egoist to do that ... I'm sorry ... maybe I would do it ? I can't really tell .
I wear glasses and I look even uglier without them .
I'm done , I don't want to continue with this , I'm just literary disgusting ... and if you think looks aren't important and you any be disgusting because of such an stupid an superficial thing , just ... look at what I wrote ... I think that's enough to tell such a disgusting human I am , seeing that there is people that can't see and I hate my eyes , that can't feel and I hate my skin , that can't do a lot of things because they where born a certain color or gender ... but I'm here crying over my hands ... why ? ... I'm selfish ... and I know that ... but aren't we all ? Yeah I know I was want to feel better with myself by saying that , but that would probably make you feel bad about yourself (if you are "sensible" or weak ... or if you just don't have enough confidence and believe anything that sounds like you ... ) it's okay ... it's okay ... you are strong ... so I'd like to be ... I admire you ... I don't know you ... but I know I do .

(I'm sorry if there are a lot of grammar mistakes , I know it's not an excuse , but just for letting you all know , this is not my mother language , I think you can tell ... that was it ... see you ... may be ... I don't hope so ... )