You try not to bother anyone with your pain , sadness, loneliness. You try not to show that you need someone.
That when finally a person asks "are you okay" and if not "why" you don't know where to start.
You try to play it off that you're just a little bummed and joke around but can't help bursting into tears.
You start to think about your most recent conclusion -you are no one's "go to " person and that no one necessarily needs you in their life and could live without you just fine.
Then you think about how you most likely end up alone and never experience to love someone and them loving you back.
You think about all these things that pile up on each other , that make you sad to the point of being numb....
And if you do ,in the end spill your guts just a little bit ,you close up fast enough for them to not get worried.
