The Scarred Coincidence

Me, Myself, And I

This is what i look like. Ugly i know. Deppression swarms me.  Depression is a never ending void that sucks you if you let it or refuse it. Sometimes i need a break from the darkness that is consuming me and leaving me with nothing but broken peices to hold onto. Emotionally im done. Mentally, im drained. Spiritually ive been dead for a long time now. Physically i smile.

~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~

" Hey are you okay?"

" Yeah."

" Are you sure? You seem a little depressed." Peyton said with concern flooding his eyes.

" No seriously. You looked Drained and sad. Whats wrong Emm."  Brianna joined in.

" I guess Im just tired."

They dont know the whole story. Am i sad? Am i depressed? Am i tired? No. Im more awake than ive ever been. No. Depression fill my body like blood, draining till im left with nothing to hold onto. I tell people im tired. Im tired of being depressed. I tell people ill be fine tommorow but i know tommorow will be worse. I tell lies everyday and i know i will not be able to stop them by myself.

One day depression will swarm me like bees. One day that bitch Karma and Depression will team up against me and will not stop at nothing till I am nothing. Ill be alright though. Someday. Just not today.

~~~~~~END OF FLASHBACK~~~~~~~

I say this to hide the body and brain i am so ashamed of. 

IM FINE= Im not fine please help me.

IM JUST TIRED= I cant take this anymore.

I ALREADY ATE= I starve myself.

GO AWAY= Show me you care enough to stay.

IM JUST COLD= I dont want you to see my body.

IM BETTER I PROMISE=  Ive never been this bad.

IM OKAY= I just want to die. 

But i cant. I cant just die. I will hurt to much. Im scared but i dont let anybody know.

I want to grow up and find true love but im too scared ill get hurt. Not physically but mentally. I will go through the most extreme pain just so i can see my true love for five minutes . I will go through extreme ultimate abuse and rape or whatever sort of harm, for years just for somebody to love me at the end. But i know it wont happen. I cant be loved. Nobody could love me.They say you cant love someone if you dont love yourself, no one will ever love me because i cant be comfortable in my own skin.

No one cares about me. 

No one loves me.

No one sees me.

So how can i love.

So how can i care.

Am i invisable.

Or does everyone just not care for me.

{ everybody thinks i look like the picture up there at the top.}