The Scarred Coincidence

GoodBye

Honestly i hold in alot.

When im upset i really dont like to tell anyone. Especially the person who made me that way. No matter how much anyone asks me, the answer will always be, " Im fine." Even if it is not true. Today is the day i leave. Today is the day i let all my troubles go. But do i have enough courage and will to go. If i left would i feel lost or something. i dont know but i do know this is my only chance to go. To finally be happy. To finally maybe escape depression.

This will be the last time i shower.

I took off my shoes and  socks. I slipped off  my favorite jeans and tanktop to be confronted by my undergarments and my hideous body. I just stared at myself for what i thought was forever.  All nasty thoughts popping in my head overwhelming me. Yet i agread with everything. 

I am insecure.

I am bitter.

I am angry.

I am selfish.

I am anxious.

I am hurt.

I am ignored.

I am overwhelmed.

I am fat.

I am lonely.

I am vindictive.

I am depressed.

I am mentally ill.

I am out of control.

I am scarred.

I am lost.

I am in pain.

I am suicidal.

I am a liar.

I am ugly.

I am an addict.

I am no-one.

I am nothing.

A knock came to the door.

" Who is it." i said scared someone will come in.

"  Hurry up. I need to get in two." My sister said.

"Fine."

I turned on the faucet and waited for it to get warm, then i hopped in. I massaged it in extra because i couldnt get the feeling of being dirty out of my mind. I did the same with conditioner. I shaved my legs and underarms.

I picked up the rasor and stared at it. Maybe i didnt have to run away. Maybe i could take away the pain away now. Instead of being a coward ill just take it away.

Without even thinking i cut. Its stung a little but i was satisfied with the pain. I did it till most of my arms were bleeding. There was blood all over the shower. I hopped out and washed off the blood. Then i wrapped it in bandages and dryed myself off. I stared at my body again then at my arms. I couldnt stand the look of what i did but couldnt help but like it.

I already packed my bag so i picked it up and hid it. My mom is at work so she will never know im gone. My older sister was already asleep so i could sneek out without her noticing. Igraabed a blanket and a pillow . I headed down the stairs. After i said goodbye to rin the dog, i walked out the front door. I looked back at the cabin and whispered, " Please let them be safe, i might come back just might."