Amnesia

Chapter 2:

Today of all days had to be the day I broke down. At school nonetheless. I don't even know how it happened. The last thing I remember was racing out of school, and now I'm curled up on the ground at the cemetery. I no longer feel the bite in the air or the occasional crisp breeze. All I feel is the pain. The loss. They're gone. They're really gone. Its been months that I've been stuffing it all down, refusing to face the reality.  I lie on the damp grass, sprawled out across both of their gravestones, weeping. It hurts so freaking bad. Its like a piece of me has been ripped out. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop the tears. Every time I try, it just makes it worse. In all honesty, I dont want to stop. I feel so empty. So alone. The deep, dark ache blinds me from everything else. Nothing else seems real. Nothing besides the pain. They were here. I held them in my arms. I loved them more than anything. I fought against them. I didn't listen to them. I didnt care. But now I do. I realize now that its too late that I took them for granted. That I didn't appreciate them enough. That I didnt love them enough. A brand new wave of grief overcomes me, making it that much more unbearable. The tears that I had slowed to a trickle, now pour out like a flood. My whole body shakes with sobs. The throbbing in my head comes back at full force. My lungs seem to lose all source of air. I wheeze and wheeze, not bothering to try and catch my breath. I don't see the point anymore. If I die, I'll be with them. All of this pain will go away. Isn't that what we all wish for? So I don't try to stop crying. I don't try to breathe. Nothing can distract me from this horrid reality. I don't even  notice when the sun sinks below the horizon, when stars begin to litter the sky, or when the soft snowfall begins. I only stop crying when I no longer have any energy. When my eyelids start drooping. Only then am I able to catch my breath. To wipe the stray tears from my face before they freeze. I keep myself huddled in a ball as the snow starts to thin. I pull my hat down further over my ears and close my eyes, picturing my parents faces. My mothers voice singing me to sleep.

—-

I wake the next morning, covered in snow. My face, despite my efforts, is still soaked with tears that have now frozen to my eyelashes. My teeth chatter, but yet I feel no cold. The warm hand on my shoulder is the only thing I feel and it brings me  to reality. My eyes flicker as they try to open, but they are too heavy from the ice.

"Here, let me" a deep, familiar voice soothes. For a second, I don't know what he means, but then his hand gently brushes  the ice from my lashes and my eyes pop open. The man kneels next to me and looks down at me reassuringly. It doesn't, however, mask the pity in his warm hazel eyes. His face is sprinkled with freckles and his features are strong.  He looks vaguely familiar, but I don't know where from. He is bundled up far better than I am in his jacket, scarf, and boots. Dark caramel hair peeks out from underneath his hat. Gloves peek out of his pocket, and a hint of pink has made its way onto his cheeks in just the short time Ive been awake. He looks so put together. I however, must be a mess.

" What's your name?" He asks I notice the accent hanging off his words. Australian? I cant help but feel relieved that he doesn't ask me if Im okay. Obviously I'm not, do you see where we are?

As hard as I try, I cant seem to get my vocal chords to work. Each time I try, all that comes out is a wheezing noise . I look up at him and he seems to understand. He glances up at the gravestones and for a brief moment, I think I see his features dull.

"Kelsea?" He asks. I nod, averting his gaze. I don't know why, but now that he knows my name, it gets all that more embarrassing. I look down past his side and see the brightly colored bouquet lying beside his feet. He must've been visiting someone when he found me.

"Kelsea, Im Ashton. I'm going to help you, ok?" Without another warning, he scoops me up, cradling me in his warmth. If I weren't too cold, I'd protest, but he seems like a decent guy and I'm in no place to argue. I don't care anymore anyway. He could take me into some dark alley and murder me and I wouldn't care less. He trudges through the accumulated snow,carrying  me along with him, until I see a sleek black SUV waiting for us on the road. As soon as he opens the door, the heat hits me. He gingerly sits me in his passenger seat as if im made of ice and will break at any moment. He lets go of me and goes to get it the drivers side, but I tighten my grip on him. This is the first time I've been in a car since the crash. My eyes meet his, wide and filled with fear.

"It's okay, I've got you. You're safe." My grip on him loosens a little and he quickly hops in the drivers seat and puts the car in drive. Pulling out of the cemetery, he adjusts the heat to full blast. Slowly, The feeling starts to reappear in my limbs. The heat works wonders and within no time, I am able to speak, as long as I ignore that I'm in a car, that is.

" Where are you taking me?" I ask, leaning my head back against the seat. While heat can help many things right now, it can't fight fear, dehydration or depression.

"Back to my place. "

"What? No, just take me back to the cemetery. " I sit up, the pounding in my head increasing. " Or better yet just take me home"

"Well, obviously the first option is out of the picture and secondly, you're like 14! Do you live alone?" He asks in a know-it-all tone.

"Yes.."

"Do you have someone who could stay and take care of you?"

"No, but I don't see why I need taken care of!" I protest.

" Really?" He glances over at me. We stop at a red light and he turns to look at me. "Where do I even start?"

"Who made you an authority over my life, huh?"

" I did. " he shrugs, shooting me a smile, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

" I dont even know you!" Thats a partial lie, he looks way too familiar but I cant put my finger on where I know him from.

He holds out his hand. "Ashton Irwin. Nice to meet you. " my heart sinks. It all click in my brain. He's Ashton Irwin. Oh my gosh.

"Oh my gosh. "I try to swallow the lump that has grown in my throat. The light turns green and the car lurches forward. "You're Ashton Irwin" I whisper. He chuckles.

"Yes, Kelsea, and I can take care of you."

"No. I ca-"

"Now, I don't want you walking at all for a couple hours, so we can make sure you've fully regained your strength. " he interrupts, pulling into a driveway. He pulls the truck into a garage and the last thing I remember it a beautifully polished hardwood floor and Ashton babbling nonstop. The next thing I know, I'm wrapped in too many blankets to count and sitting on a plush couch in front of the fire.

The rest of the evening is a blur.Ashton  offers me many things, all of which I don't even hear. I keep my gaze fixed on the flickering fire without even realizing it. All I can hear is they're dead running over and over through my mind. Eventually, when the exhaustion takes over, I fall asleep right there on the couch not caring where I am, who I am, or if I'll ever wake up.

—-