Inamorato (Niam Horayne) (BoyxBoy)

20- Shouldn't Even See Each Other Anymore

(A/N the first half of this was written originally in the niam advent calendar book on 21st December 2016 and was half the inspiration for this book)

Everything sort of hurts after that day at Liam's because despite knowing they're still in love neither speak for the following couple of months. It isn't until Louis' X Factor performance of Just Hold On, when he and Liam see each other, backstage and Niall cannot even let himself look at Liam. They see Zayn though, and all are surprised he is there, really. It's been so long and it is a little awkward. Niall talks to him, stiffly and awkwardly and Zayn tells him that Liam is watching them and then Niall does look, and his heart is burning and aching as his eyes meet Liam's. Only Liam looks away and they do not speak a word the whole night.

Niall's chest aches.

It's only a few weeks later when they cross one another's paths once more. Louis invites them over for a birthday party, and there are so many people and loud, thumping music that makes Niall dizzy and even though he likes parties and he is definitely a people person, he does not feel like it that night. Somehow Ellie Goulding is there, and she chats to Niall like whatever they had years ago was still alive and it makes Niall feel weird. He makes some kind of excuse and walks away from her hurriedly, in a daze only to walk into Liam a few metres away.

"Niall." Liam breathes, and his hand is on Niall's hip, steadying them both, but the touch makes Niall dizzier. Liam's breath is hot and smells of alcohol and if it were down to Niall he would never have let Liam get this drunk. Not after everything.

"Liam where's Cheryl?" Niall asks suddenly worried and certain she is here. He pushes Liam's hand off of him hurriedly.

Liam shrugs, pulls Niall into a hug which Niall can only melt into for Liam still knows exactly how to hold him, "She went somewhere."

Niall sighs and he thinks he should move away from Liam because his girlfriend could enter the room at any moment, but he doesn't.

"I miss you." Liam hums against Niall's neck, he moves away so they are facing each other, and brown eyes drown in blue. "I miss you so much Niall, she, she is nothing like you. She does not kiss me like you or hold me like you do and-"

"Liam." Niall shifts uncomfortably and somehow they're stumbling away from the crowd and then they're outside in the cold, large garden of Louis' house. Niall takes the paper cup from Liam's hand, and carelessly throws the remaining contents across the grass, puts the cup by his feet, "Liam you are drunk and it's cold and we probably shouldn't even see each other anymore and I didn't think-"

Liam shakes his head desperately, presses their foreheads together too and Niall wishes he hadn't drunk a drop either because his veins are pulsing and craving everything Liam and his head is fuzzy, and rights and wrongs blur and cross over, and he has to remind himself over and over that this is not right. But the words muddle and suddenly this is right and Liam's hands are touching him, his waist, his neck, the skin under his shirt and oh.

"Liam we-" Like something is telling Niall that this is still wrong, wrong, wrong even though he leans closer to Liam, breath against the other's lips and it feels so right, right, right. "Liam." His voice is whispering, and he hasn't noticed but he's clinging to Liam like a lifeline, hands gripped around the fabric of Liam's jumper and suddenly he feels kind of like crying.

"Guys." Louis opens the back door and they both turn, jump, "I thought, I thought you were over. Come back inside, it's cold out here."

Niall feels sick to the stomach and suddenly guilty because they can't do this anymore, and Liam would have cheated and it isn't fair and it isn't right and Liam in his right, sober mind would never, ever-