Inamorato (Niam Horayne) (BoyxBoy)

12: We Can Never Work Out Properly

Liam hands Niall a coffee before sitting beside him in the busy arena. Niall is anxious, tapping his feet and biting his lip. He takes the cup of hot liquid gratefully and touches it to his lips, taking a sip.

"Why did you take me here?" Niall asks eventually, feeling he may surely drown in the silence between them, "You said it's not for my birthday so why are we here?" Not that Niall is complaining of course, he'd been thrilled when Liam produced the two tickets to the basketball game.

"We always used to go to sports events together." Liam replies, confused, "We haven't been in ages and it's no different to any other time we've been."

"Liam you know it is different now." Niall retorts, looking over at Liam hurtfully, "It makes all  the difference and you know it."

Maybe Liam does know that. Only he just wants everything to be normal again, okay, again. Because he misses when he and Niall would ramble on about some sports game or a film or a musician they'd just discovered, or when they'd write songs together, toy story playing on mute in the background. He misses that Niall, his best friend Niall.

"I'm sorry." Liam says finally, placing his paper cup on the table beside them. "It's just we barely ever hang out now, besides, kissing and, stuff, and I miss just being us. We still can be us, can't we?" He's speaking so quietly in fear of someone over hearing, and he's fighting every part of him not to take hold of Niall's hand and he hates that most of all; fighting it, and the fact he has to fight that at all.

Niall looks at him silently because to say they can still be what they were once before would be a lie and they both know it. "We can try." Is the best he can do.

As the game starts the heavy, awkward air around them dissipates, and maybe they get flickers of their past selves, Niall can see it every time he catches a glint in Liam's eyes, the sparkle that brightens his entire world.

In the break they watch funny videos on Niall's phone and find funny memes on twitter the fans have used. But their laughter would always slip away eventually, and they feel the reminder that they are not what they used to be.

/

Liam does not disappoint, for Niall's birthday a week or so later. He orders a huge room service breakfast, pancakes, a full English breakfast, a mix Niall seems somehow thrilled about. The two, go off golfing in the morning. And Liam can't resist posting their golf membership cards onto Instagram, Nialler and Payno- what they will always be.

They join Louis and Harry after lunch, and write a few songs and mess around a bit but everything feels slightly forced. Like they're trying to feel a happiness that cannot be found.

Besides that the day is almost perfect, and in the evening, screams from their latest concert still ringing in their ears, Niall and Liam curl up into one another's arms, and Liam traces heart shapes lightly over Niall's tattoo.

"Thank you for a lovely day." Niall says lazily, his accent thicker due to his tiredness.

"You're welcome Ni." Liam replies, "I didn't do much."

"Well," Niall starts, but hesitates nervously, "Well there is only one other thing I could ever want."

"And what's that Ni?" Liam asks, his fingers pausing their dance over Niall's hip.

Niall swallows. He knows Liam will say no, "Us to be boyfriends again."

There's an eerie silence in the room and Liam's hand moves away from the tattoo on Niall's hip.

"Niall you know that's a bad idea." Liam says softly.

"I know. I know but we're just boyfriends without the label, and when we go on hiatus, we can work us out properly, right?"

"Niall." Liam closes his eyes, feels Niall's sigh on his lips, "Niall I don't think we can ever work out properly."

"But then why are we making everything so much harder for ourselves?" Niall asks, and he thinks of Harry telling them to end it, and then Louis telling him not to let his lover go and he doesn't know what to do anymore. He swallows a lump of tears and rolls over, back to Liam.

"Niall." Liam whines slightly, and goes to pull Niall back into his arms but the blonde flinches away at the touch.

"Goodnight Liam."

Liam looks at the figure beside him from a few more moments, "Goodnight Niall." He replies then rolls over in the bed, facing the other way and closing his eyes.

Though both of them hardly sleep at all.

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It's been a entire month somehow, oopsie, but I finally reached 1K so THANK YOU SO MUCH??!!!!

Um, so it's gonna be a rocky ride from here on in, probably prepare tissues.

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