internet ⋆.ೃ࿔* markren

4 !

renjun clicked on the blue skype icon on his computer. he waited for mark to call him, not giving him the satisfaction of calling him first.
it took about a minute before mark called, which was a bit unusual but renjun didn't question it further. maybe he just had to do something before he called.

"hey, renjun!" mark exclaimed, smiling brightly once the other's face popped up on screen. the moment he appeared on the screen in front of him renjun's mood changed and he suddenly wasn't that tired and upset anymore. mark butchered renjun name as always, but that didn't matter. it was part of the charm. "i have an english name for a reason, mark, you don't need to call me renjun."

"i have to pronounce it right one day, i can't just give up," he said, giggling softly. renjun just rolled his eyes. he had a feeling mark did it on purpose but he honestly didn't mind, it was funny hearing all the different ways he could mess up his name.

"anyways, how's school going?" renjun asked. they liked to joke that renjun lived vicariously through mark, and in a way it was true. they went to the same school, in a way, renjun just took the classes online.
"this last week has been exhausting," mark spoke, sighing loudly. "we have this huge project that we need to do, and i got paired with the absolute most annoying person ever."

renjun laid down on his stomach and moved his laptop so the camera could see his face again. "oh really? that sucks," renjun said halfheartedly. he didn't see that as a bad thing, it seemed way better than being inside his house for eighteen years. he only had contact with his dad and doctors, it got very lonely and boring. but at least he had the internet. "who is the person you got paired with?" renjun asked, not that he would know them anyway.

"his name is lucas," mark answered quickly. "actually," he started speaking again "his surname is huang, so maybe he's related to you!"
renjun resisted the urge to laugh and call him a dumbass. "ohh yes lucas!" he played along. "he's my cousin actually. really nice guy, but pretty annoying like you said," he said.

"wait really?!"

"no," renjun deadpanned. "of course not." he continued, snorting at mark's betrayed expression. "i knew it wasn't true, lucas if way too tall to be related to a dwarf like you," he laughed after a while. "wow attacking my height, that's low even for you," renjun said, faking being hurt. he yawned softly, rubbing his eyes to get the sleepiness away. that made mark remember why he had skyped him in the first place.

"oh right," he said "i was gonna play you a song!"
renjun was about to object, but was cut off by another loud yawn escaping his mouth. that seemed to be enough of an answer for Mark, who went to get his guitar.

"so, what is your favourite song at the moment?"
renjun shrugged, all the songs he knew suddenly disappeared from his brain. "uhh," he thought out loud. "i don't remember. just play your favourite!"
mark nodded and started strumming the strings on his acoustic guitar. he started playing one of the 1975's new song 'mine'. he changed up the lyrics a bit to make it like a song from him to renjun.

renjun was conflicted. he loved the song and he loved the changes mark made, but it was also so very painful. renjun was in love with mark. he loved him. he loved him so much it was physically painful thinking of him. he just kept falling in love with mark, and each time is harder than the last. every time the feeling got deeper, more complete, more bewitching.

he hated himself for it.

renjun knew mark loved him too, he knew that if he just said one sentence then they would be dating. but it wasn't as simple as that. renjun wanted mark to be happy, and he knew that long distance relationships rarely ever worked. and renjun can't go outside. he can't leave his house. he can't meet mark.
mark deserved someone he could love physically. he deserved someone as kind and caring as he is, he deserved someone who could hold him, and kiss him, and comfort him when he needed it.
renjun couldn't give mark what he deserved, no matter how much he wanted to.

he finished playing the song, smiling softly at renjun. he opened his mouth to say something. he wanted to say something. "renjun," he started, speaking softly so only he would hear. mark knew renjun would hate him for what he was about to say, but he needed to get it off his chest. he knew that he already knew, but still, saying it out loud was different. maybe renjun would change his mind.

"i love-"

"mark, please don't." renjun cut him off before he could finish the sentence. "don't make it more painful than it already is." he spoke again, so quiet mark almost didn't hear it. a small tear started forming in the corner of renjun's eye. he wiped it away before it could fall.

mark sighed. "renjun, i'm sorry," he said genuinely, his features softening. "i know it's hard for you all of this, but i really genuinely do like you a lot. i don't care that i can't see you in real life," he said. he could see by the expression on renjun's face that he had stepped over a line, but he needed to say this.
"mark," renjun sighed, trying not to show how upset he really was. "you know this won't work out. we won't work out." renjun started weeping quietly. he wiped the tears flowing down his cheeks, not wanting mark to see.

"i should sleep now," renjun said quietly, looking down at the laptop keyboard, he didn't want to see the look on mark's face. "goodbye, mark."

"no, renjun. wait-"

renjun shut his laptop, ending the skypecall. "i'm so sorry, mark" he whispered quietly to himself.
he curled up into a ball, hugging his knees close to his chest and let out a soft sigh.
"so, i guess it's another night of crying myself to sleep then," he laughed bitterly, the sound echoing off the bare white walls of his room.