Making Ginger Snaps With Alan Ashby

Chapter 11: I never thought I'd die alone, I laughed the loudest who'd of known?

*Trigger Warning*

 

*Months Later*

 

Me and Maia got into a fight about two months ago.. I was really upset about it.. She has been my best friend since middle school, and now don't even know if we're friends anymore.. We've had our fair share of arguments.. Just never like this one..

See, there's something you don't know about me. I roll both ways. If ya know what I mean. And well, so does Maia. And during our school years we may have sort of hooked up a couple times. And well, the night we got into the arguement, Austin was staying at mine and Alan's house, while I was staying at Maia and Austin's place. Well, me and Maia were watching movies and well, she sorta came onto me, and kissed me. Out of nowhere. I didn't kiss back of course 'cause, I'm with Alan, and I seriously HATE cheating, it's wrong. It's happened to me so many times before and it hurts, no one should have to ever go through that. You may be thinking, "what about when Jesse kissed you?" Well. I ended up telling Alan, I felt so bad about it.. Yeah he was mad at Jesse, but I guess he understood and well, all is good now with me, Alan, and Jesse.

Well, anyways, back to Maia kissing me. I was totally shocked. I knew she liked me in our school years, I just didn't know she still did.. I stood up completely shocked. "I-I'm sorry.." Maia said. "DAMN STRAIGHT YOU'RE SORRY! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE CHEATING! YOU KNOW ABOUT ALL THOSE AWFUL RELATIONSHIPS I'VE BEEN THROUGH. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY THOUHGT I'D CHEAT ON ALAN! AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! YOU WERE GONNA CHEAT ON AUSTIN! C'MON MAIA! THAT BOY LOVES YOU AND YOU'D DO THAT TO HIM!?!?" I screamed at her.. Yeah I may have over reacted but, UGH, I don't even know. She's honestly too much for me sometimes. "I think it'd be best if I went home." I say while walking to get my bag and walking out to my car. I kinna felt bad, 'cause I just kinna left her there crying. God I'm an awful person.

When I get home I walk in the door to find Austin and Alan plating pool on our pool table in the den. "Hey babe, why're you home? I thought you were spending the night over at Austin and Maia's place?" Alan asks. "Uh, yeah, I got a little homesick, and I just wanted to come home." I lie. "Oh, okay. Do you wanna join in next game?" He asks talking about their pool game. "Uhh, sure. Why not?" I say trying to do anything I possibly cou;d to get my mind off of what just happened back overat Maia's.

It's next game and I'm already beating Austin and Alan's asses. What can I say? I'm fuckin boss at pool. "C'mon Sarah! Go easy on us! Not everyone is a champ at pool like you are!!" Austin says as I'm about to shoot in my last ball other than the 8 ball. I've shot in 6 in a row this time. Told you. I'm fuckin boss. As I get the last two balls in I decide it's about time for me to head off to bed. I just want this day to be over. "Well, now that I've beat both of y'alls asses in pool. I'm gonna head off to bed. Night Austin, night babe." I say while giving Austin a kiss on the cheek and Alan one on the lips. I go upstairs and strip down to my underwear and crawl under the covers of mine and Alan's bed. That's when I break. The tears start to flow freely with no stopping. I can't believe I yelled at her like that.. I'm such an awful friend. I can't believe myself. And that's when my demons came crawling back and seeping through the walls I had built up around them. The thoughts came flooding back. How worthless I truly am. How no one cares. How I deserve to be punished for how badly I treated my best friend. I got up out of bed and went into my drawers in the bathroom that me and alan shared. I locked the door quietly behind me and pulled out my blades. I stared at them for a second. It's been so long since I've cut. I needed to so badly. I say down on the closed toilet seat and slashed away. By time I was done, both arms from where my hand started, and all the way up my arm to my shoulders, both thighs from kneecap all the way up,and stomach were completely covered in cuts. The ones on my arms were pretty deep but I didn't care. I deserved it. All of it. I clean myself up a little and walk out of the bathroom and put on a pair of sweatpants and a baggy crewneck and crawled in bed and cried myself to sleep. God I'm so worthless.