I'm a Goner [Joshler]

PT 1

I wake up. The sun shining in my eyes. Blinding me as I open my eyes. I sit up. "Dang it. I didn't die in my sleep," I thought. I lay back onto my bed like the useless piece of shof I am.

I am now just laying on my bed, staring at my ceiling. I immediately shoot straight up and grab my notebook. I have the lyrics in my head. They need to be expelled from my mind onto the paper before I forget them. They may seem a little silly, but I never mind. I sit and write for what seems like hours. But I only have a few sentences down.

Scared of my own image
Scared of my own immaturity
Scared of my own ceiling
Scared I'll die, of uncertainty

Yea, definitely silly, but still has meaning. Who would be scared of their own ceiling. Me, apparently. A 17 year old teenager who just does what he's told. I don't have my own voice. I just keep everything inside of me. Leaving everyone oblivious to what happens to me when I'm alone.

I hear footsteps approach the door. I throw the notebook across the room. It lands silently on the carpeted floor. I lay back in my bed, and close my eyes. Maybe if I pretend I'm sleeping, maybe they'll go away.

Nope. Zack walks into my room. He picks up one of my pillows and tosses it to me. "Come on dude. Wake up. Mom has breakfast waiting for you." Then he leaves. He never falls for that trick like everyone else does.

I finally get the energy to get out of bed. Today is the day. I pull on my sweatshirt and jeans. I walk down stairs. "Hey honey. Make sure your stuff is packed and you ready to go before 10," my mom says.

I look at the clock. It's 8:49. I have almost all of my stuff packed. I jog upstairs and stuff my notebook into the bag. I just sit on my bed going through my Twitter feed. Nothing important really. I look at the clock. It's 9:58. I have my bag in hand and I walk down stairs.

——
I have all my stuff packed into the car. My father gives me a hug and says his goodbye. Then my brother and sisters line up for their goodbye hugs. I get into the passengers side. My mother gets into the drivers side. I wave to everyone as we drive away.

I knew exactly where we were going. Three cities away. Into the middle of no where. I was going to be a counselor, at a camp that I had never heard of or been to. At least it was far away from my hometown so I couldn't see anyone I knew there. Maybe it will be a fresh start. Maybe I make some friends. Maybe I won't jump off a cliff. Maybe. Hopefully.

——
We pull up to the camp. I get out and grab my things. My mother was trying not to cry. I would be here the whole summer. Day in, day out. A whole three months were I didn't have to worry about anyone. A place where I didn't have to hide me and a secret that I have been concealing from my entire family, friends and school.

I say goodbye to my mother. I walk over to the other people that looked like they were stranded on an island. They were looking at their surroundings. I looked around too. But not at the surroundings, I was looking at the people. No one I knew was here. I smile. I can be free. I can be myself. I can be who I am. I can be gay freely without anyone judging me. Cause everyone looked like a teenager. I knew they wouldn't mind that I was gay.