infinity ∞

∞ chapter 1;

instead, i turned to the world of drugs, alcohol, and self harm. and apparently so did my father. well, mainly alcohol for him.

again, sorry mom.

i close my black composition notebook. the one that hold thousands of thoughts and memories. writing really helps me a lot, it's probably one of my only real coping mechanisms that doesn't involve being intoxicated, high, or ending up a mess of my own bodily fluids. don't ask, i've seen a lot of shit. literally, and metaphorically.

i go take another hit off my joint, but before i can, i hear a knock at my door.

"luna?" it's my brother.

shit...

i check the time, 2:15am.

"leo? go back to sleep!" i call. i rip my earbuds out of my ears, open a window and hide my weed.

"i can't fall back to sleep, and dad is out. can i please come in?"

"fine." i respond. it's not that i don't want to help my brother, but it's 2am and i'm high as fuck. i don't want him to see me like this. he already has seen my father and how he acts when intoxicated, he's already dealt with enough.

i hear the door creek open, and quiet footsteps creep across the hard wood floor panels.

"luna, were you smoking again?"

ha, i knew he was gonna ask that.

"no, it must just be something outside."

he looked puzzled, but let it go. i hate lying to him, but i can't tell him i still smoke. not after i promised him to stop.

"so, what do you want me to do? i can't really help you that much.. sorry leo."

i can see his pale expression in the dull moon light that shines through the window. his eyes look tired, i see a few tears rolling down his cheeks.

"le-leo? what's wrong?" he says nothing.

"talk to me. what's wrong?"

"im s-scared, luna." his voice is quiet. broken. he sounded in pain. my poor baby brother.

"of what?"

"everything. mom. dad. mom's health is getting worse, dad's an alcoholic, and he's becoming cold and abusive. h-he hit me again today."

that fucking dick.

"i feel so lost. alone. like everything else is just falling apart around us and i can't do anything to stop it."

those words hit me, like a punch to the gut. only, much much worse.

"oh leo, i know how you feel. but it's not your place to try and "fix it," there's nothing we can do, unfortunately."

"come here baby brother.."

he rolls his eyes and giggles.

i take my feet off of my desk, get up from my chair and go over to the chair at the end of my bed he is sitting on.

i pull him closer to me. he falls into my arms. i can feel his tears hit my black my chemical romance t-shirt.

"hey, just remember, you have me. yes i know i'm your sister, but i will always be here for you. you're the only little brother i have. and no matter how annoying you may be sometimes, i still love you. and i will always be here for you, no matter what. and in times like these especially. so, don't ever feel that you're alone." i say with a smile.

now we were both crying. i hate seeing the people i love so upset. so i try and always make them feel better, it doesn't always work though.

"now to bed, it's late and we have school tomorrow!" i say to him.

"love you lil bro!"

"okay, goodnight luna, and, thanks for that. it really helped."

"oh, and i love you too."

he closes my door.

i stick my earbuds back in and put on the queen herself, lana del rey.

i really take in the lyrics.

"darling, darling doesn't have a problem, lying to herself cause her liquor's top shelf. it's alarming, honestly, how charming she can be, fooling everyone, telling them she's having fun."

"she says you don't wanna be like me, don't wanna see all the things i've seen im dying, im dying"

sounds a lot me..

i think that's one thing i really love about music. especially when you find songs that you can really relate to, and that speaks to you.

i don't remember what time i fell asleep, maybe 2-30-3:00? but i know that when i woke the next morning, it wasn't good.

"LUNA GET DOWN HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW."

it was my father. and, he didn't sound too pleased.