ACTING ( EVAN PETERS )

THIRTY ONE

REAL LIFE

CLARE CHEWED HER PLAIN PASTA AS SHE OPENED THE FRONT DOOR, WHEN HER EYES LANDED ON EVAN SHE ROLLED THEM AND SWALLOWED HER FOOD BEFORE SCOWLING AT HIM IN QUESTION.

"Can we talk?" Evan asked sheepishly, his hands tucked deep in his jean pockets and his curled hair falling into his eyes; Clare thought about how he needed a hair cut. And how when they'd made up she'd tell him that. And how she wished she could push it out of his face and run her hands through it. She moved aside in response, leaving space for him to enter.

He didn't know what to do, so he just awkwardly stood in the front room as if trying to figure out where to sit. Clare ignored him as she paused the Netflix show she was watching and gave her bowl of full pasta a sad glance as if apologising. As she span back around she quirked an eyebrow at him.

"What do you want?"

He flinched at her tone and racked his brain on what he had done to deserve it.

"To talk. I miss you"

For a second her face fell, showing her real emotion, her features and heart softened. She'd missed him. Like crazy. Her face went back to its blank expression and Evan sighed, losing the small hope he'd had when he saw her raw face. She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for him to elaborate, Emma must have told him she'd told Clare, so why was it taking him so long to mention it?

"Why are you annoyed with me?" He asked, his voice wavering and cracking as if he would cry with desperation "Please I don't know what I've done"

So she hadn't told him. Clare could tell from the break in his voice, and it made her feel like shit. Guilty for making him deal with all of her moodiness. But then she remembered he had said it, and now he was being even more two faced. When she thought she knew the boy before her he had morphed into all her past friends, their faces blurring before her. No wonder she only had Alexa and Barry.

She opened her mouth ready to snap at him when she decided against it at the last moment, so her mouth flapped open like a gapping fish and Evan watched her with raised brows awaiting her answer. But instead she just closed it and levelled her gaze at him, her brown eyes hard.

She decided not to say anything, not to tell him how he had made her feel. It wasn't even that offensive, it just pained her to think he spoke of her that way. That he thought of her that way. That he didn't think of her so highly as she thought of him. She would defend him till she was blue in the face, whilst he though she was some embarrassing girl. It pained her to know he was like everyone else she had know, how stupid she was to believe he was different. She didn't want to seem childish though. Even more pathetic. Pathetic. That seemed to be her trademark.

"I'm sorry. It's nothing" She sighed, dropping her eyes to the ground and fiddling with her hands like a real child now.

He took a step towards her and spoke in a soft comforting tone that fooled her for a second that he did care, "It most be something if it's hurt you"

"I'm not hurt, don't worry" She forced herself to look at him and smile convincingly. She was an actor after all.

But he didn't look persuaded and moved further towards her, he wouldn't be surprised if he'd accidentally hurt her, he was pretty dumb but he definitely hadn't meant to. He'd felt pretty hurt when she'd bailed on him.

"You sure?" He pressed, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable or any more mad at him.

"Yes Evan" She laughed and nodded to try and satisfy his curiosity, "I was just really stressed and emotional, look I got my period okay. So I'm sorry, I can be pretty bitchy sometimes just ask Barry" She clutched at the first excuse she could think of, and she knew how men got around the mention of a period. Uncomfortable and quick to change the conversation; just what she needed. Even if she was the opposite when she got her period, it's not like they'd be hanging around long enough for him to find out. It was only till the season began then Evan would tell her how he really felt, that it was all fake and he didn't want to be friends anymore. Deleted instagrams and ignored texts. Cancelled plans and a heartbroken Clare.

Evan's eyes widened in surprise and he shuffled from foot to foot with an expression that looked like a deer caught in headlights,  just the reaction Clare had anticipated. At least he was predictable in that sense, just like every other man "Oh"

He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel a pang of jealousy at the mention of Barry; even though he knew they would never be together that way, Barry and Clare were basically siblings. He just wished he was there when she felt shit. He wished he was the one who knew her that well. That she would rely on him to make her feel better.

"So let's drop it and be friends again, be fake lovers even" Clare wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and laughed, but she could feel the lack of humour behind her words. Evan breathed a small chuckle. They both felt awkward now and were thinking about the phrase 'fake lovers' or really the word 'lovers'.

She wouldn't tell Evan why she had really been upset. It wasn't even really because he'd called her pathetic if she was honest. Sure it made her feel a little shitty and reminded her of past relationships. But really it had meant Emma and Evan had been speaking, maybe even together. Clare didn't know why she cared ,or why it made her want to cry, or why it felt like her heart had shrivelled. She knew the situation so why did she expect it to be different. They weren't really dating. So he could see Emma if he wanted. He could date her even if they were secretive. It was all acting. It was showbiz. And she was too accustomed to that already. So instead of letting herself get too emotional involved in the what ifs, she would just continue acting. But this time she wouldn't let herself be fooled too.