A Court of Sunflowers and Stardust

•chapter 31•

"Awfully bold to assume I am weak because I am female."

Explanations

~

A gentle tug inside of me woke me up, my eyes snapping open and becoming instantly aware. There was another tug, soft and affectionate, calling to me.

It was the next morning since my brother had healed me, and I still haven't contacted my mate. But now, it seems he was trying to contact me.

There was a careful caress down the bond, into my mind. Acacia?

I sighed through my nose, deeming whether I was worthy of replying or not. I wasn't. I wasn't worthy of his affection, his love, not after my betrayal. Things had changed.

I know you can hear me. Please talk to me. His deep voice resonated within my head, and I closed my eyes tightly. I need to know where you are. Azriel is trying to find you and bring you home.

Home.

Was the Night Court even home anymore? After what I'd done to their High Lady and Lord.

It was such a foreign word, yet so familiar. And now, it was distant. I have no home. I have nowhere.

I sat up in the bed I lay on, startled as I spotted Alakai sleeping in an arm chair in the corner of the room. This wasn't home either.

Alakai was home. But so was Kaleb. Two different kinds, two different spectrums that cannot collide to form a whole. I was stuck, and sinking, and I cannot escape.

I balled the sheets around me into my fist, frustration rolling through me as I still felt Kaleb waiting patiently on the other side. Waiting for me. But I couldn't come.

This was no longer a war over the world, this was a war over families and rivals, making the whole ordeal messier and more complicated. I wanted to run, to hide, to determine myself not apart of any of this. But I was. I am.

I need to leave, to clear my head and figure it out. Figure out what I wanted, where I wanted to be, where home actually was.

I need to rid the world of this venom, maybe I could do it if it's my brother's. Maybe I have something in me. Some sort of anti-venom. I was doubtful, but I knew Alakai wasn't going to give me the information I needed.

I had to do this for myself.

I'm fine. I will see you again, I just need to sort this out. For all of us. I love you. I threw the message down the bond, and then threw my legs over the side of the bed.

~

There was a roar that rattled the house and Feyre paused, staring wide eyed at Mor, who reciprocated her stunned expression.

Kaleb.

The stairs thundered as somebody stormed down them, and then Rhysand winnowed into the kitchen, face distorted into confusion as Kaleb marched inside, face pale with anger and what looked to be fear.

"What is it? Have you heard from her?" Feyre questioned, half standing from her seat.

"She's doing it herself. She's going to find a cure on her own. She won't tell me where she is." Kaleb pulled at the strands of his hair, closing his eyes. "Why won't she let us help her."

Rhysand shared a look with Mor before he spoke, "if she's leaving the place Alakai is keeping her in, it'll be easier for Azriel to find her. He'll bring her back."

"Why?" Kaleb shouted, loud enough to make the chandelier shake, eyes furious. "So you can drag her back here kicking and screaming, interrogate her and then throw her in the prison. Or even use her as bait for her brother? No."

"Kaleb-" Mor began, that sympathy and understanding in her expression, but Kaleb growled her off as his fists clenched, staring at his father.

"You won't throw her around like some toy."

Feyre pursed her lips together at the sheer dominance his voice held, at the challenge that coated his words. Mor cleared her throat, noting it too, and instantly found herself somewhere else to be.

"If she can aid us in persuading Alakai to stop whatever venom he has in this world, then it's worth a shot. Or would you rather never see her ever again once this world is dead?" Rhysand asked, voice a lethal calm, and Feyre knew it was guilt and shame rippling through their bond.

He didn't want to use his son's mate, but if it could save everyone, it was something.

Kaleb snarled lowly, blue eyes swirling with protective anger. "Find another way."

"Kaleb, calm down." Feyre jumped in, standing up with warning in her blue eyes.

"If the roles were reversed and this was mom I was planning on using, you wouldn't allow it." Kaleb pointed out, him and his father nearly touching noses as they snarled at each other.

"Well the roles aren't reversed and we've got to do what we can." Feyre said before Rhys could reply. "None of us will let anything happen to Acacia."

Kaleb stared at the both of them before growling softly and walking off towards the door, pausing and leaning against the threshold. He stood there for a moment and Feyre and Rhysand shared a look.

"It isn't fair!" Kaleb's voice cracked, and so did a piece of Feyre's heart as he turned back around and a tear slid down his cheek.

"Kaleb." Feyre pleaded, arms outstretched to hug him, but he moved away and stormed off, the front door opening and slamming shut.