Him

The true form of a soul

As I sat there, in my disastrous, abandoned bedroom, I was lost in cloudy, smoggy thoughts. Only one word would come clear within the stormy thoughts that roared in my head, 'DISAPPOINTING'. He left me, in this dark, crumbling, lonely world that I saw once as a ray of bright, gleaming light. Now my wings that he had given to me to fly high into the light had crumbled, cracked, snapped and dissolved. I was alone again. In my own example in that time, I was a shriveled, scared, desperate hermit crab with no shell... And I was pray to the whole world. My room was filled with darkness and emptiness, unlike my soul that was shredded, tore apart, and shattered into the tiniest of pieces.

It was broken. And i felt like it would be for a long time.

As the sun awoke from its daily slumber, little rays of glistening light kissed my face gently and made my dry tears sparkle and glimmer. Heavy bags were sunk into my skin and under my eyes. My hair was fuzzy and short, the hair on the top of my head being a lot longer then the sides made it look like I had alittle Afro appearing on top of my head. My lips were quivering and cracked. My skin was pail and dry from the coldness surrounding it, nipping at it as it made it tremble. The hairs on my neck stood up as I heard my door being opened with
one motion.

It's time for school

The thought of seeing him there made me want to disintegrate into an oblivious. I didn't want to leave the one place I knew well and had the home-sweet-home comfort of having my own self expression. I didn't feel ready for the world to see myself in my own pity. But I have no choice. It is not my decision to decide weather or not I should go to that prisonous place that teaches me the ways of society, life and the world. But it was my decision if I should take the floating words around me and collect them into files that were organized in my brain, or to create a barricade between those words and my thoughts. I chose to keep everything to myself, and let nothing in. My brain was not in its normal shape of organization, for right now it was being troubled by the thousands of thoughts that floated and flied around its poisoned walls.

As I got up, my body felt as if it had layed upon that spot for decades. My bones creaked and cracked like rusty hinges on an old cellar door.
My body tilted side to side as my legs tried to gain balance once more as it had done before. As my body caught balance, so did my vision. My words slurred as I spoke to myself under my own raspy breath. My vision had regained itself as I walked to my dresser and pulled upon one of the many drawers. I grabbed my dark, wrinkled yet comforting skinny jeans from the drawer now opened in front of me.

I was not in the mood to smile

But I had to

For the ones who cared would only worry and fear the worst for me.

As I stepped my legs through the holes of my jeans, I curved my lips into a light-hearted smile, but it was far from a true one, for a true one was more empathetic, more emotional , more spiritual. I wiped my tear-stained cheeks and rubbed upon my lidded eyes, rubbing away the red tiredness that had been pinned onto them. I looked at myself in the mirror to only see sorrowful eyes, eyes that showed true emotion. I couldn't let them show for long, for I had to cover that true part of my own-self identity. I had to cover that true emotion.