CYRUS | 2020

four

Cyrus cursed as he tried to find the motivation to lift himself out of bed and at least open the dark blue curtains to let some light in.

But he couldn't do it.

His body was sore and his heart was heavy. And he just... couldn't move.

He blamed it on the fact that he didn't drink enough water the day before; but he was lying to himself. Again.

The darkness had come back for him and hit him like a semi truck. It was bad again. And he couldn't fix it. He just had to ride it out. That's what he told himself anyway.

A knock at his door made him turn his head but he didn't answer. His voice suddenly seemed useless.

"Cyrus?" he felt a lump grow in his throat at the sound of Rosie's sweet voice. She was right behind his door, but yet so far away. "Cy? Are you awake? I wanted you to walk with me to the bus stop for school."

He stared at the door, wishing she would just open it. But she wouldn't do that. She was too sweet and considerate and cared about his privacy. He knew she wouldn't invade - but he wished she would - just this once.

"Okay Cyrus. If you're still sleeping, um... papa might break in and wake you up with a cup of ice water like last time. So make sure you're up before then." Her voice started to fade away just as his vision faded from him.

___

There was a hand on his face. He could feel it.

"Cyrus, hey star boy. Wake up."

He threw his hands over his head and yawned before slowly opening his eyes. He pursed his lips when he noticed River sitting on the edge of his bed, still looking youthful and full of life. Something he wished he felt like.

"Hey baby boy," she said soothingly as she leaned forward and brushed the hair out of his face.

He groaned at the nickname, but secretly, it held a special place in his heart. River used to call him that when he was younger and normal. Or when he felt normal at least. She was one of the people he trusted most and her voice was like a soothing lullaby, it calmed him down when he felt angry.

"How are you feeling?"

He ignored her question and sat up in his bed. "I'm not a baby anymore."

She smiled and he couldn't help but think about how much Rosie's smile looked as bright as her mama's. It lit up a room. "I know that. Do you want me to cut your hair again? The sides are getting longer."

She had been cutting his hair ever since he turned ten and she was good at it. Whatever style he wanted, she cut it that way. He had decided the style every time, except for when Rosie chose something she saw on her pinterest that looked nice. It was nice that River had given him control over something.

Though his hair was going through that awkward phase of his fade being long and uneven from the rest of his head, he decided not to cut it so he could think of another style. "I'm good thanks. Rosie thinks I should grow a man bun, but..."

River laughed quietly and stood up, fixing her business skirt as she did. "I've got some errands to run. You should come with me and then we can pick Rosie up after school and get some food."

He was going to shake his head no, but the glare from River was telling him he had no choice. 

"Get dressed and come downstairs when you're ready. You're lucky I don't send you to school."

He slowly got out of bed and cracked his bones before shuffling over to River and giving her cheek a kiss. It was strange that he was taller than her and she was his mother figure. "Thank you River. I appreciate it."

"Uh huh. If Hayze finds out i let you stay home, I'm blaming everything on you."

He shook his head as she walked out of his room without closing his bedroom door and so he slammed it shut himself before throwing himself back down onto his bed. 

"Alright Cyrus, its time to get up and go," he said as he hit himself in the face a few times. "Rosie will be happy to see you after school."

And though he wasn't doing it for himself, the fact that he was even leaving his room was progress. He was even a little excited to see the smile on Rosie's face when they picked her up.