Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Volume 2 (A Black Panther Fanfic)

Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Volume 2, Chapter 3

"Twice I turn my back on you
I fell flat on my face but didn't lose
Tell me where would I go
Tell me what led you on I'd love to know

Was it the blue night
Gone fragile
Was it about the men
In wonder steady gone under
Was it the light ways
So frightening
Was it two wills
One mirror holding us dearer now..."

Little Dragon – "Twice"

"Have a seat."

Her voice sounded so benign. Soft. Almost shy speaking to him after so much time between them. She flipped on the lights in the room and saw that she left the curtains wide open. She rushed over to close them as he took a seat at the desk chair that faced the bed. It was the only real seat in the hotel room.

"Do you mind if I take off my coat?" he asked.

"Go ahead," she said stepping away from him, keeping some distance between him.

Slipping out of his dark overcoat and suit jacket, N'Jobu watched her carefully, his face warm and inviting. She couldn't get over how the gold slugs on his teeth made him seem larger than life when he spoke.

"I need to take a shower real fast. I'm really sweaty. Give me a few minutes to handle that and change. We can talk right after that," she said reaching into the hotel drawer and pulling out a t-shirt and some thin sweatpants. She rummaged for some clean underwear.

"Take your time. I'm not in any rush."

She nodded and plodded over to the bathroom and closed the door. She ran the shower and let the hot steam envelop her before she even took her clothes off.

Weird.

It just felt weird. Odd. Surreal even.

He was out there. In the flesh. She could reach out and touch him. How many nights, weeks, months had she longed for that? All the crying she had done over him just wishing and hoping she could see him again and now here she was, hiding in the bathroom, too skittish to be in the same room with him again.

She stepped into the shower and adjusted the high-spraying shower nozzle, setting it to pulse so that the hot water soothed her frayed nerves. She shampooed her scalp with the rose-scented hotel two-in-one shampoo and conditioner. She scrubbed up and rinsed quickly, drying off slowly, watching her face in the mirror that was covered with condensation. She wiped it with her hand, debating if she should put on any make-up. She opted for a light lip balm and just slathered herself with an unscented lotion.

Slipping into her make-shift pajamas, she took three deep breaths and placed her hands on the sink counter. She wished Bakari hadn't said anything. If she had to talk to him, she wanted to reveal what she wanted to reveal. Or not. But now he was out there thinking she had the baby.

She would tell him everything...as much as she could handle. She would not sugar-coat it or try to stop herself from feeling fully any emotions that came back up, even if anger rose high and took over. She was ready to unload the burden. She set her hand on the doorknob then paused.

Push through it, she told herself.

She entered back into the room and sat on the bed facing him.

His face was expectant.

"I found out I was pregnant weeks after you left. My doctor thought it was a combination of me taking medicine when I was sick and the herbal supplements I used for stress that messed up my birth control. I...there were some complications...I had an ectopic pregnancy. The baby was growing inside my fallopian tube instead of my uterus. We tried using medication to um... take care of it naturally... but I had to have surgery to terminate it. I tried reaching you when I thought I could have the baby. Your Embassy, your social media...I reached out to people who I thought could help me. I got your postcard, but there was no return address. I didn't know what else to do. You just vanished. But it didn't matter after the surgery..."