Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Volume 2 (A Black Panther Fanfic)

Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Volume 2, Chapter 14

"Breathe, breathe me in, taste my words, let me blow your mind
I will take you far, far away
I'll make you feel alright
You've gotta crave it and chase it
Until you're close enough to taste it
I can give you what you need
I can give you what you need..."

"Make You Feel" – Alina Baraz & Galimatias

April 10th, 20—

I find myself writing more and more as my son grows older.

Erik. N'Jadaka. JaJa.

I remember the night he was conceived so vividly. The urge to make him was so powerful that the moment I released within my woman I knew he was on his way. It is interesting to note the difference between wanting to have a child and having one by accident. When I talk with the men I work with at the shop, most of them had children not by choice, but by surprise. It is what Califia calls being caught out there. If they were with a woman and she happened to get pregnant the response has been either going with the flow, asking for an abortion or leaving the relationship. Some of these men learn to love their children but they are seen as a burden and not a blessing.

I find this way of thinking abhorrent. Granted, when I impregnated Califia the first time, it was not planned, but I was happy when I found out for an all too brief moment before I learned of her operation. I do not understand the thinking of men who behave this way. The second time I left America to return to Wakanda, all I could think about was having a baby with Califia. Erik existed in my mind way before I even reunited with his mother physically. He was real to me even when he was just a thought.

I remember when I came home from Birnin Zana and Califia revealed to me that she was carrying him. She was so scared. Fearful that she would lose this child too. But I knew different. This time I was with her. We wanted this little one together. And Bast blessed us from on high. I know this to be true. The day he was born felt a bit like I was being reborn with him. My hands caught him. I held him first.

Our son.

My world has never been the same since he has come into my life with his mother. I can not imagine living a life without the two of them being in it. Califia has given me the most supreme gift with my son. She is the only woman who could give me a child like him. I ponder sometimes what type of child I would have made with Zinzi or some other woman from back home. Because his bloodline is so different, uniting Califia's hundreds of years of genetic mixing and separation from Africa with my Wakandan pedigree, Erik is a rare jewel. The best of the Old World Africans and the New World ones. My beautiful son.

I find him writing at his desk in his room quite often. I suspect it is because he sees me writing all the time in my journal. He likes to emulate Califia and I. I caught him in our bedroom opening my journal, his curiosity getting the better of him to cause him to violate my privacy. I told him about going through my things without permission. I had no fear of him reading anything that would give my secret identity away. My words are written in my native language. He is beginning to learn the Wakandan alphabet. He is fascinated by the fact that we have more letter/symbols than English. I have been creating a separate journal for him, recording things that will help him understand my culture for when I feel it is time for him to know the truth.

He is sprouting up like a strong tree. He is seven years old now. About to turn eight. He is in the sixth grade and excels in math and science. He loves history and social studies.