Your not the man I fell in love with

Realize

Waking up the next morning in the closet with Llyod next to me was weird. His side was pressed against my back and I'm facing the mirror. I'm still in the lingerie I had on last night and I started to smile. I wanted to laugh out loud but idk what he was gonna say if he seen what the world seen lastnight. I took a deep breath and I get up from my side and turn to look at him. He was staring into his phone which is making me think he saw my picture. "So you tried to look sexy or sum" he said in his accent. I was took back cause he don't get smooth on me unless he was going to try to manipulate the situation and make me feel bad. " First of all....I am tf" I said twerking in the mirror. I turned to look at him and he scrolling through the comments. "I see these other niggas think so too" he said as he licked his lips. I just shrugged and got up. " so you didn't care to think about me" he said stunned. "Did you think about me when you posted your thirst traps" I said as a matter a fact. I wasn't going to play his games anymore. "Okay,you got that but in your lingerie bae...you was looking so good,you had me so tight this morning" "I almost ran off the road cause I was so shook" He said with his hands roaming my body. This nigga is a sex attic,it's so crazy how someone can want sex 24/7 like get a grip. "Control yourself I have to get ready for work. Yes I do work. I am a anesthesiologist at Grady hospital in Atlanta. I hadn't been to work in a week because of "issues" but I'm going back and ready to get my mind together. " oh so you going to work today" he said sarcastically. He never wants me to go to work.He always wants me home. I start the shower and then walk out our room to head to Tahjs room to get him up for school. "Baby wake up,time for school" I say as I enter his room. But lord and behold he is already up working out. "Hey ma,I've been up since six,gotta get in shape,football around the corner" he said as he pulls me down to kiss me on the cheek and run to the bathroom. Between him and his father,I don't know whose worse when it comes to sports. I head back to the shower and I don't see Llyod so I let it be and I got inside the bathroom and take my clothes off. I put on shot clock by Ella mai and I step in the shower. While humming along to the lyrics that's blast through the speakers in our bathroom.i slide the see through glass door closed. "You always singing yo ass off" Llyod said scaring the shit out of me. I almost fell. I forget the shower is see through until a certain part and it's blocked the view of the head of the shower. "Why are you in here" I said annoyed. He always trying to be sneaking and shit. " I can't come bathe with my baby. He said squeezing my face" he says in a lil voice. I sometimes think he thinks I'm a child forreal. "Okay Llyod just make sure to just bathe and nothing else" I say as I step Into the steaming hot water. I live for hot water it's a shame. I'll sit in a jacuzzi for hours. In the midst of me washing my body,Llyod starts to scrub my back. Now it's weird cause we never shower together but it's like I feel like he's just doing it to see what I'll say. But I let him to not even start an argument with him. We were in the shower for a good twenty minutes,and he was doing the most. He was just being extra for no reason. I quickly got out the shower and ran to the walk in closet to get away from him.I picked out the scrubs I was gonna wear today which were these burgundy ones. I also decided to put my hair in a bun which is something I don't usually do. By the time I'm done dressing Tahj is at my door saying "hurry up mommy,I'm going to be late" he yells. It's funny how he changes the word ma to mommy when he gets serious. As I'm walking down stairs,I see Lloyd's dressed in a Jordan jogger set,with some Jordan's slides he has his hat upside down to the side and he has his ear beeper in talking to some. I grab my purse and phone off the counter and head to the door. But before I could open the door for Tahj and I,Llyod says " I'm driving y'all to school and work today" he says as he hangs up his call. I'm like okay,when has he ever offered to do any of this. "Yay dads coming with us this morning" Tahj screams as he runs to Llyod. I'm just like whatever let's see how this goes as we all head out the door.

In the car on the way to tahjs school, were playing music and having conversation. Then Tahj decided to change the conversation. "So mommy,why you took me from daddy's practice so early that day,I was having so much fun daddy and his friends was showing me how to take contact and how to run people over" he said so enthused by what he was shown. Lloyd's just smiling chiming in on helping him explain what he was talking about. They were so cute together I can't deny. "Yeah mommy and aunt Dynasty was cheering me on and It made me even more happier because it's like I had a fan like daddy" he said proudly. I turned my head so muthafuckin quick to look at my son. Is that what she told him to call her. "Auntie dynasty...baby you don't have a lot of aunties so who is she" I said trying to see what Tahj would say. Llyod got real quiet in the drivers seat and he better be glad my son was in here cause baby I woulda been going upside his head cause he got a whole lot of nerve. "I met her with daddy at one of his games like a long time ago" "she said she was my auntie and that i would see a lot of her". "Ohhhhh okay" I said very pissed off. Not only did this bitch see my son,she been talking to him and shit like really dude. I know jarrett said see and been around my son but to be having conversations with him is a different level. Ima have to whoop ha ass for fucking real now. Not even a few minutes later we pull up to tahjs school,we drive around to the car loop and one of the teachers that supervise the carloop comes to the car and takes him out. "You be good at school today Tahj,learn something new,behave and mommy loves you okay"I scream from the window. Llyod looks and kisses his two fingers and wave them at him. "Love you to ma,bye dad" he says as he waves and runs inside the school. We pulling of the school campus and I'm looking straight ahead. He feels the vibe is off but I know he knows I'm not going to say nothing. It's dead silent and all you hear is the horns and the people of Atlanta around us. "Baby" Llyod says. I don't answer. I just unlock my phone and start to text Jarrett. He is the only person to vent to at this moment cause I can't call my girls right now. "Put your phone down and talk to me" he pleads for me to look at him. He keeps trying to move my chin and touch on my hand. I don't wanna be around him right now. Jarret text back "call me on your break love".I know I'm a definitely do that. Llyod is leaning over my shoulder to see In my phone. I hear the sucking of his teeth so hear comes the bullshit..early this morning. "So you would rather talk to that nigga then me huh" he said like he was mad. He can't even be mad after all I know. "Why the fuck you catching an attitude,I should be the only bitch mad In here" I said with my fingers upside his head and yelling in his ear. He was gon get it today. "Yeah I am cause I'm trying to explain to you what Tahj was talking about but you blocking me out acting childish and over there whole talking to another nigga,now what if I did that to you" he said like he was just faithful. Nigga if you knew what I knew. "I don't have time this morning,drop me off" I said rolling my eyes and sitting back In the passenger seat. For the next ten minutes I was looking out the window.Tears just coming down my face because the anger inside me was building up so much.I wanted to kill him so bad but I couldn't. He knows I'm crying so he decides to rub on my thigh.I guess that was a way of him trying to comfort me but fuck that I move his hand and crossed my legs.He better hurry up and get me to this hospital. Five minutes later we pull up to the hospital.As he turns into the Grady,he doesn't go to the car loop in front of the double doors,he decides to go and park the car. When he put the car in park I was unbuckling my seatbelt so fast,I was ready to go in cause I couldn't be in his face too much longer. As I was rushing,he pulls my arm "why you rushing to get out of here,you still got another ten minutes" he said with a scrunched up face. I just snatched my hand back and tried to open the door.He locked them instantly before I could. I see he wanna take me there today. "Now you gon listen or what" he said nonchantly but very serious. I stayed quiet cause I wasn't in the mood for it today and he already knows I'm pissed. "Dynasty just a cheerleader on the team that met Tahj a couple of months ago when he came to our game against gators" he starts this damn lie. I just start to laugh because he just lies to me and lies to me and lies to me like I'm just another one of the jump offs he has like bitch IM YOUR FUCKING WIFE! I had your child,I was with you for almost 6 to 7 years,I went through hell with people criticizing me for being with you because of your profession,I was the one who took the backseat for so long to the football world that I mentally,physically and emotionally didn't feel wanted and I still don't and he just doesn't see where I'm coming from and he doesn't see the pain but I'm just gonna let him say this shit so I can get out. "Yeah she's just a crush Tahj has and I find it cute ya know so she comes and says hi to him and stuff nothing serious" he goes along to say. "Okay mhmmm,now can I go" I said point out the door with my attitude. "You still wanna act up after I told you what happened" "okay whatever get out my car" he said unlocking the door. He being so disrespectful I can't even. I hurry up out the car and slam the door so fucking hard.I hope the door come off the bitch. I walk into work and Jessica greets me with a mocha frappe from McDonald's."Welcome back hun,I hope your okay and ready to work"she said so cheerful. I really miss my coworkers. They were all culturally different and came from different walks a life and they never judge people and the love to help people and that's what I am all about. Going to the crew room to drop my stuff off and I see randy. He's one of the gay coworkers that I am in love with. "Hey beautiful,I'm glad your back" he said as he we kissed kissed. We keke for a minute before I got to check the surgeries I had for the day. I have 7 surgeries. I'm excited and ready for today,I'm jumping back into myself and this is what I need.