Life In A Daydream

Chapter 3

A/N: Hello Fruity babies, your Fruit Mommy is here. Now this year has been the absolute pits for me, but I am updating this story. As well as the rest, hopefully. I actually wrote this chapter at the beginning of the year, but I got so self conscious that I felt it wasn't good enough to post. But you know what I am posting it. Take it as I wrote it.
Enjoy!

Gerard woke up to a hangover as usual. His pounding head barely even hurt him anymore. The nauseousness was greatly appreciated because it took him back to those times when he used to throw up from morning sickness. As strange as it was even those memories were happy to him. Because it was when his little bear was alive and well within him.

The red haired man quickly went to the bathroom to puke. His head pounded more once he finished emptying his stomach contents. He just hugged the cold toilet bowl as he waited for the pain to subside. After a few minutes he stood up to look in the mirror. Pale skin and dead eyes met him. Gerard couldn't help himself as he stripped off his night shirt. He couldn't help gazing at the ugly scar on his stomach.

Gerard cried because that was all he had left of his son. The scar used to be bigger and less attractive, but now it was healing. And he hated it. He wanted it to stay hideous forever. In some twisted way he wanted to hold on to the pain unlike he could do with his son. Once it healed completely he’d be truly empty. Gerard cried harder at that thought.

Dallon laid in the bed with his back to the bathroom. He awoke to the same thing. His husband throwing up from too much liquor and then crying to his image in the mirror. It has been his daily routine since he came home from the hospital. The tall man only sighed as his vicodin induced haze was fading and his brain was forced to address the pain in his chest. A pain for his husband, a pain for his little bear, and a pain for what today was.

Dallon finally got up when he heard Gerard in the shower. He thought he might as well make sure he’s not trying to drown himself again. Sadly he caught him one time trying to do that very thing. He took off his clothes and stepped in behind him. He was slightly shocked to find Gerard actually just taking a shower.

Dallon was only slightly shocked because he knew that his husband wouldn't attempt suicide only until after he saw their son on his special day. They have been visiting his grave every month on the same day since the funeral. But today was extra special. Today was their little bear’s first birthday. As weird as that sounded they were going to celebrate it. Mainly for Gerard’s sake. Not to say Dallon didn't want to celebrate, but it was hard to be happy when all you wanted to do was crawl into a ball and die.

Dallon held Gerard from behind. His head laid on his shoulder. No words just the sounds of the water spraying them spoke for them. Gerard sighed as he felt Dallon squeeze him tighter. They did love each other, but the closeness did more harm than good.

“Dallon….do you blame me?” Gerard finally broke the silence.

“......yes…” Dallon whispered. He hated himself for it, but it was true. The red haired man sniffed as he held back tears.

“A-and…..do you hate me?” His voice broken, but he needed to know.

“.......yes…..” The tall man admitted as tears slowly fell from his eyes. Gerard whimpered until he was full on crying. Dallon hated that noise. The sound of his husband breaking down for what seemed like the hundredth time. He then pinned Gerard to the shower wall. “STOP IT! CAN'T YOU SEE I HATE IT WHEN YOU CRY!?” He yelled.

“B-but….b-but…..YOU HATE ME AND BLAME ME FOR WHAT HAPPENED!” Gerard cried as he tried to struggle against his strong grip.

“And you blame me for not getting you to the hospital in time.” Dallon said sadly. Gerard stopped his struggles and stared at him. “You hate me because I promised that everything was going to be fine…..I know all of this. My husband loves and despises me and vice versa…...because we both lost something that can never be replaced….and with that lost went our love for each other…” Dallon met his husband's stare.