Strong Minds, Fragile Hearts.

Fall's Goodbye

I never imagined I would say goodbye in such a way. It still haunts me to this very day. You asked me to move on, but how could I when you have stitched yourself in my soul?

How could I have been happy when you were suffering?

How could I have laughed when you cried your heart out to the empty abyss?

How could I sleep when you were struggling to stay awake because of your nightmares?

If I had the power to go back in time I would do it a thousand times.

Just to see you again...

Just to hear your beautiful laughter...

God, your smile... It was everything to me.

I feel like I messed up big times...

I can't forgive myself... I freaking turned a blind eye on you when you were crying behind that mask of yours.

The mask you put on everyday with a smile just to blend in with this cruel society.

It was chilly as the weather started to get colder, seasons turning...

Autumn to Winter...

Present to Past... and... Future to Present.

My boots crunched over the fallen autumn leaves. It was Monday and I knew you hated Mondays.

It never fitted your personality either.

These woods was the last place I saw you.

"Oh, it's just you." You said when you looked in my direction then back at the horizon to see the sunset.

I watched your tall figure, I watched how your brown hairs rustled in the light breeze. I saw your beautiful brown eyes.

Oh God, your eyes... they weren't the shade of chocolate or muddy ground.

They were the color of earth after rain, they were copper against honey, sunlight through a bottle of whiskey. They're the feeling of coming inside home from biting cold and wrapping yourself in a warm blanket with cocoa and gingerbread men and brownies.

But when they looked towards the sun, they were breathtaking. They were a beautiful eclipse only for the lucky ones.

"What are you doing here?" I asked you, coming closer.

"Trying to escape from reality." You said with slight trembling voice.

"They are back, aren't they? The nasty thoughts?" I stood beside you, looking at the beautiful sunset from the cliff, a city laying below us.

"I tried so hard to get rid of them, but they won't stop. They only grow more darker." You whispered in the winds.

It was a silent for some minutes only the light brezze weaving its fingers in our hairs, and the last autumn leaves falling from the trees to create a bed of death.

"But you were okay, during the summer break. What happened?" I inquired softly, placing a hand on your shoulder.

"I don't know. Nothing seems clear to me now. It's all messed up." A few tears fell down your eyes, hitting the dusty ground beneath us.

"You could have told me. I would have saved you." Suddenly, something snapped in you. You abruptly shoved me away.

"YOU COULDN'T HAVE DONE ANYTHING TO STOP THESE DEMONS FROM CRAWLING INSIDE MY HEAD." You yelled at me, your eyes burning with rage but I saw terror in it too.

I roughly grabbed you left wrist, shoving the sleeve upwards and showing you the scars you inflicted on yourself.

"And cutting yourself would have stopped the demons?" I whispered softly, stroking your scars with my fingers, trying to absorb the pain in me somehow.

"It didn't." You said, lowering your head in shame. "But, it gave me  time to reconsider my choices."

We were engulfed in silence again but a kind of silence which meant everything...

You hugged me suddenly, stroking my hairs with love and care.

"You know I never wanted to kill myself." You admitted, making my shoulder wet with your tears.

"Thought so. You always had that face which looked towards the horizon with hope." I told you, smiling. 

It was a relief that you finally changed your mind.

But I was wrong...

So wrong...

I wish I could have seen threw that mask of yours...