10 easy steps to slowly recede back into the closet.
1. Stop correcting people when the misgender you. The feeling of discomfort will be your new comforter. You will wear this blanket like a cape. Because you are now a superhero. Someone always hiding what they really are. Captain unrecognizable
2. Don't tell teachers your preferred name. I mean what's in a name. It's nothing but a stupid word that you're told to respond to. We will add all these atoms to make us feel like we matter and these names are just a neutron to my proton life. These neutrons are supposed to be neutral.
3. Stop wearing your binder. Because these things that whomever, whatever gave you are the only things that define you. Not your personality or the way you speak but the way you're on the outside, I'm not able to see which side I'm supposed to be on.
4. When you see her pretend that the talk you had last night wasn't real, it was all a part of your imagination. You can't help but feel this is the last midnight talk you'll have.
5. Just accept the idea that when you call her pretty and she says you too she doesn't mean it in the way you hope. You are pretty, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty beautiful.
6. Start going to church and pray and confess your sins because maybe you'll finally get accepted into heaven after you leave this hell of having to pray and confess your sins.
7. When she bites her lip try not to imagine how much you would love her biting yours. These imaginary setting we have where we are perfect family eating dinner at our perfectly set table.
8. That girl who says she's done things with a girl before is only saying that so guys will think she's hot don't listen to her. She'll use you then find out she's straight about two months later.
9. When you see the straight couple holding hands in the halls just pray that one day you she'll love you as much as she said she did. But don't tell anyone.
10. Tell your family it was just a faze and all of them were right. Try not to cry when they tell you I told you so and in the end just play pretend with them so much you'll think it's real.
