Ivy League

Happier On My Own.

My doorbell rang and woke me from my glorious slumber. I had been catching up on last night’s sleep debt. Groggily stumbling to the door I opened it and was engulfed by the very man who ignited my desires again. Suddenly I was wide awake.

“Your housemate said you weren’t feeling well and wasn’t able to make our lunch today, she suggested I bring you soup instead.” Jay told me lifting the bag in his left hand.

“Well since you bring a peace offering, let us not let it get cold.” I said letting him in. he looked around my apartment, it was small but It was mine and loved it.

“When did you speak to Joan?” I asked,

“Your housemate?”

I nodded.

“This morning when I rang your office, she said you weren’t feeling well and she was worried that no one would be here to look after you while she was gone. So here I am.” Jay stated.

“That sneaky bitch.”

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing.” I replied. Jay took the soup to the kitchen and started opening cupboards looking for bowls to put it in. We sat down in front of the television in the lounge room, the tv didn’t have anything good on it, just the midday movie. Self-consciously I sipping away at the broth in my soup. I wasn’t lying when I told Joan I wasn’t feeling well today, nothing is wrong with me. Just the lack of sleep is really dragging me under.

“You look tired.” Jay said quietly.

“I am.”

“Why, late night?” he asked.

“No,” I said shaking my head, “I don’t usually sleep all the way through the night. I’m like a newborn baby waking up every two hours or so.”

Jay frowned. “You slept through the night at mine on Friday though?”

I nodded again feeling like one of those dogs in the back of someone’s car with their bobbing heads. “That is correct.”

“How long is it since you slept through the night like that?”

I pondered, “About 4 years or so I think now.”

“Why?” Jay asked.

I know he saw the look of pain cross my face when he asked., “Sorry,  that was prying too deep, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t sleep because my mind is still waiting for Jeffery to come home.”

“Who is Jeffery?”

“My ex.” I said looking away from Jay.

“Why were you waking up at strange hours waiting for him?”

“He used to work on the south side, he’d get home real late if he even came home at all. The nights he was away were the worst. I’d question him about it the next day and he would punish me for asking too many questions and prying into his life. One night, he must have taken too many drugs or something, I’m not sure. But just the sight of me drove him to breaking point. I couldn’t help but ask where he was. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for him to reply. It took a few moments but when he did, Jeffery got really close to me, put his hand on the back of my head and you know what he said? He said he was out paying for a prostitute because I was that much of a bad fuck. That he had girls on the side for years and I wasn’t good enough for him. He smashed my head into the bedside table and I passed out. I woke up in hospital the next day with Joan by my side. She had been telling me to leave him since we were 17, but I got sucked into his life. It wasn’t always that bad. Joan must have found me the next morning and rang an ambulance when I wouldn’t wake up. I was out to it for 4 days. Jeffery never came to see me when I was in hospital and hasn’t tried to contact me since. For all I know he could be dead by now and I wouldn’t know it.”

Jay took a few moments to reply taking in what I had said.

“I’m surprised you told me that.” He finally said.

“I am too.”

“You’re finally letting me in sweetheart.” He said wiping the tear from my cheek, I hadn’t realized that I started crying while talking.

I raised my eyebrows, “You kidding me? Just because I told you some sob story and that’s trusting you? You know where I live and paid Wes off to find me. It was in the newspaper that Jeffery was abusive towards me, it’s all over my medical records. You could probably just flash your smile at the nurses at the hospital and they would have given you whatever you wanted if I didn’t tell you. So no Jay, I am not letting you in. I’m simply telling you something you would have figured out eventually.” I stood up,

“I think you should leave.”

Jay didn’t say anything as he got up and closed the door behind him. My phone beeped,

“How’s your lunch with lover boy?” it was Joan.

I threw my phone against the wall and screamed out in rage. Why do people have to keep meddling in my life. I was happy on my own. Hell I was happy even for a one night stand. I don’t want anything from anyone. I'm happier on my own.