Why Do I Sin?

Chapter Three: Are You Joking?

Her eyes were shimmering in the darkness. It was her again, of course by Sebastian's side. It only makes sense that I introduce her to you as she may be the thing in my way of telling Sebastian how I truly feel. Her name was Jasmine and her eyes are so blue and beautiful compared to my ugly and dull hazel eyes.

It was Monday again and as I sat in second period, both Sebastian and Jasmine entered the classroom chatting about whatever seemed to be so interesting that they had to laugh and interrupt the class discussion. How rude did they have to be to intrude on everyone's learning? Even so, how rude did she have to be to steal my imaginary "soon to be" boyfriend. She knew the way I felt about Sebastian and to stand in my way to tell him is so rude. I can not believe her these days. Sometimes, I wish she was just out of the picture so I could be closer to him.

Her skin, so light that it made his shadow disappear. She was always by his side. I didn't know what made me feel so bad: Jasmine being an obstacle to my plan or my gratitude towards Jasmine for allowing me a second chance to not screw things up. Every time I saw Jasmine by Sebastian's side, I started to relay the consequences of the things that would happen if I told him how I actually felt about him. One day I would be his friend and the next--

I guess I should not tell him then... I mean if I am going to contemplate about all the things that can happen and all the things that can go wrong, who am I to carry out this plan? No one in their right minds would go out and do this to their reputation. God, I knew it would come down to this. I knew Jasmine would find some way of getting rid of me and my feelings towards Sebastian. It was if she wanted me all to herself.

As the class started to go along, I started to think about if Jasmine likes me or not. I mean there are all the hints: teasing me, staring at me with her damn beautiful eyes, and obviously not letting me tell Sebastian about my love for him. I can not believe her selfishness. Like what could possibly be going through her mind to keep me away from Sebastian just because she likes me? All of this attention she had been giving me, words were escaping my mouth as I started to say, "What if I like her too?".

The whole class stopped the discussion and looked back at me. Of course I was sitting in the back of the room too; the dramatic stare the class gave me as I abruptly said that aloud. I quickly went to see if Jasmine heard me, glancing my ugly and dull hazel eyes to her seat only to find her missing. She had run out of the room weeping. What did I do? Did I figure out her plan to tell me about her feelings?

At this point, I guess I should figure out my true identity, whether it was gay or bi-sexual or a combination of the two. I feel a lot for Sebastian, but when I saw Jasmine weep out of the room, I had a sudden feeling to go and hug her for my mistake of "exposing her". I guess that makes me bi-sexual; however, it wouldn't matter. To my parents, I am gay and I am sinning. I am a disease to them and all of their holy spirits surrounding them. Thus, I don't belong with them and am therefore detached from the family.

That day I went home to find my parents sitting on the couch of the living room. They had pamphlets in their hands for a church camp. I wondered what this could be for, but as soon as I saw the words "get rid of the gay" on them, I quickly ran to my room. Finally at my room, on the other side of the house, I was distraught about the sight of my room turned upside down. My journals were all ripped up, the journals confessing my love for Sebastian. I soon determined it had to be someone that did this to me. It couldn't be that they just apparently checked my room for "gay materials". I started screaming, "WHO TOLD YOU?!", to my parents only to see someone standing outside my window. It was-- are you joking?

Writer's Words:
Please do not copy this as this is all copyrighted.
Also please give me some feedback as I will take in all the critical comments.
This is unedited and my first piece, but I want to further this and actually publish an entire book about this experience.
Please follow me and my Instagram @itsmichaeltm !
I know this is short, but please expect this for each chapter. I do expect to have 30+ chapters for this book.