Walking Miles in the Rain

Just Me

   I sat at that bench thinking and thinking. Soon morning rolled around then lunch time and soon enough evening too. It was like I was glued here. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't move. I was numb to everything but my mind and my eyes. I just sat at this bench. I sat at this stupid bench watching as people walked by. Laughing, smiling, talking, rushing, taking out garbage, getting bagels and coffee, getting gifts for loved ones. I sat here watching them go on like nothing happened, like nothing ever did happen in this world. Like everyday people aren't hurt, like everyday people aren't murdered, like everyday people aren't killing themselves, like everyday people aren't begging for food. Like everyday everything is...fine. Nothing will every be fine. Our world is broken, cruel....and there is nobody to blame but ourselves. We broke the world and we can't fix it. Because we either don't see it or we pretend everything is...fine. And then there is me, sitting on this bench a runaway whos father beats her and whos mother was killed by the very people who raped her. There is me, sitting on this bench being swallowed by my own thoughts, my own experiences, my mother. There is me, sitting on this bench appearing fine to all the smiling faces moving past me. There is me, sitting on this bench scared...for me, this world, the people in it. There is me, sitting on this bench. There is me. Just...me.

   A single, hot tear escapes my eye as I finally close my eyes not wanting to see the world anymore. The hot tear moves slowly down my cheek, moving with the curves in my face before it drops off my chin and onto my chest. It's like life goes still for what seems like a lifetime but is only a mere second. A second of no laughing, a second of no angry traffic men honking their horns, a second of no talking, a second of no movement it seems like, a second of...silence. And then as if that second never happened, I open my eyes and the noise is back. In the first time of what seems like forever, I stand up. Wobbly at first as if I was I was a newborn taking her first steps, only without the proud looking parents. I look around at the dark street lit by lamp posts, at people walking around like it's broad daylight. I look around and...I smile. A sad smile at the boy sleeping next to me on the bench who I haven't noticed there before. A boy who was here with me the whole time. I smile sadly and put the blanket he gave me yesterday on him and walk away. I make my way to the field. Just me.