Walking Miles in the Rain

Leaving For Good

   I was walking home slowly thinking about what had happened, a million thoughts and questions filling my mind. In a way, I was kind of grateful for this encounter just now because it gave me this kind of distraction from what happened last night. It almost made me forget. But look at that, that key word again...almost. Now he's gone...he's no longer distracting me with those eyes and soft hands that wouldn't stop grabbing mine. After what happened to me, I didn't and don't want any guy to touch me ever again. But this guy, Shawn, I couldn't shake the feeling that his touch felt right. It didn't feel like those two men...it didn't feel forceful, rough, dirty, and hard. His touch felt right and I know that I should stay far away from this guy...I won't allow myself to get hurt from yet another stranger.

  But without his presence, the terrible events of last night flooded back into my mind ike a hurricane. It came fast and all at once making me want to cry out in pain and sorrow for the loss of my innocence. For the loss of trust in the world. For the harsh truth of reality. And that reality is that everyone is so blinded by what they want to see. They want to see happiness everywhere they go. They want to see good people that always do good. They want to feel safe so they put up this blockade of imaginary thoughts that completely blind them from reality. It's so sad that people don't realize the truly evil world we live in. Living in that house with the constant abuse of my father made me think that the world was my safe haven, that nothing can be worse than what I go through in that house everyday but I was wrong.

   Speaking of my home, I should probably hurry home and make sure my mom is okay. I started to walk faster since I was a block away. I walked in and my dad was passed out on the couch with empty bottles of beer surrounding him and a belt in his right hand. I rushed upstairs to my moms room and when I went in she wasnt there. I didn't want to shout for her because then I would wake him up and make it worse for all of us. I went to the my room to see if maybe she was in there. I found her laying on my bed. I went over to her to examine how bad the wounds were from last night. She had cuts and bruises on her face and since her shirt was off I was able to see the lashes on her back. A couple tears fell down my cheek and I turned around so I can walk to the bathroom and clean her up when I heard a small voice...

"What happened to your head?" Shit. I totally forgot that the back of my head was full of dried blood from when those disgusting animals disguised as humans bashed my head with the back of their gun to use me as their, their toy.

"N-nothing.I just fell, mom."

"Did, did your father do that to you?"

"He isn't my father. I'm not sure what a father really is but I'm sure they don't abuse and neglect their children. That to me is not a father but to answer your question...he actually didn't surprisingly."

  I saw her shed a couple tears and I knew she didn't believe my story about falling but she decided not to push it.

"Why didn't you come back last night. H-he beat me and you weren't here...so," she started bawling and stuttering her words, " he gave me twice the beating."

I went over to my mom and engulfed her in my arms and kissed her forehead.

"Malaya, y-you promised me you would always be here and you weren't. Baby, I was so scared... for you and for me."

"Mom, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I would've been here if I could've you know I love you so much. Let's clean you up, okay?"

"Okay."

"Mom, can I ask you question?"

"Of course, baby."

"W-why don't we ever just run away? We would have such a better life away from here and we wouldn't have to suffer all this pain anymore.I was going to do it so many times but I couldn't leave you mom."

  My mom was silent for a while just looking down at the ground. Still looking down at the ground she replied.

"You don't think I dream about running away. I want to give him a chance. He wasn't always like this and I know he won't always be."

"Mom, do you hear yourself? You give him chances but all he gives you is bruises, cuts, and scars. He gives you depression. You're so naïve. Mom you always think of others maybe just the wrong people. Think of me, your daughter who every time I go to school have to make up an excuse for the daily bruises and cuts I receive. After a while, it gets suspicious and people started to realize that I'm not this clumsy girl they know the truth but I still feed them lies. They know me as the abused kid and I get pity looks in the hall. I don't their pity mom, I don't want to be looked at like some kicked puppy. I want to get out of here and you're really telling me that I get the shit beat out of me daily by the only guy who's supposed to be guaranteed to love me because he deserves a chance. What about my chance, mom? That chance was gone the moment he decided to repeatedly beat us.Do you think about how I feel because I think of you. I would've been gone by now but no I thought of how I can't leave you here. Mom, I'm leaving today. With or without you and I swear if that thing you call my father touches me again I will call the cops. It's time to grow the fuck up. I'm not a stupid, naïve little girl anymore. I know how the world works. Are you coming?

  I look at my mom and she is closing her eyes crying and she looked at me with red puffy eyes and hesitantly nodded. I smiled and told her to pack light.

  I started to pack my backpack of some clothes and other essentials. I was thinking about where to stay when I thought of the field for a couple days until we know what to do. Nobody ever goes into the field...except Shawn who I've never seen before. The field is kind of in the far corner of town where most people don't go because..most people don't know about it. I was pretty sure I was the only person who knew but...apparently Shawn knew. I hope he doesn't go for a couple days. I finished packing and got my mom. We walked silently passed the guy on the couch and walked through that door for the last time hopefully.