Walking Miles in the Rain

So Long for Now

  We were on our way to the field and we were almost there. We both packed light only a backpack on our...well backs. I was ahead of my mother leading the way. My mom said she wanted to stop at the bank first so we at least have money wherever we end up going. She heads into the bank and gives me 20 dollars to get us breakfast across the street. I go in and guess who I see...no other than Shawn from the field. I did a quick debate in my mind on whether or not I should turn around but my stomach grumbled and I decided against it with a grunt. I go to wait on the line hoping he hasn't spotted me yet. But of course...nothing goes the way I want and I feel a hand on my shoulder. I slowly turn around knowing who it is.

"So, Malaya isn't it? We meet again."

"Unfortunately. I think it would be best if you stop following me around like a creep."

  He laughs out loud and my heart flutters a little because it is the most musical and perfect sound I've ever heard. I felt an involuntary smile forming on my lips when his laughing abrubtly stopped and he had wide shocked eyes. I looked up at him kind of frightened.

"W-what is it?"

"You...smiled!" he exclaimed smiling a huge smile showing off that damn dimple again.

"Haha, hilarious but believe it or not...I am pretty human."

  I turned around since I was now at the counter and I got two breakfast combos (one for me and one for my mom). I gave the cashier the money and stepped to the side waiting for my number to be called.

"Aw how sweet but you didn't have to get me anything." he says with a smile in obvious amusement.

"I didn't, it's for my mom." and as if on cue my phone starts ringing and it's from my mom.

   I answer it but she doesn't answer me I just hear screams. At first I'm confused but then I hear a gunshot. My eyes go wide and my head snaps in the direction of the bank. My feet start running in that direction before my brain can even function. I hear and see the police pull up across the street as well as the ambulance. It was to late though because the robbers had already run out with bags of money and ski masks over there head. I make eye contact with one of them and the peircing green is all to familiar and I shudder when he winks at me and then continues running no sprinting away. I pray to God they get these monsters then taze the shit out of them before throwing them in prison to get raped. Maybe then they can know what they did to me. I hear a scream again and remember why I ran out here. I run and push my way to the front of the crowd. I try to get past the baracades but the police stop me.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, this is a crime scene we can't let you through."

"My mom is in there." I half scream trying to be calm even though tears are flooding my eyes making my vision blurry.

"Not anymore she isn't. Everyone in there was a witness and most had already been taken down to the station. If not then they are in the cars on there way. Some people however, were unfortunate and had to be taken to the hospital. Would you like me to drive you to the station to see if your mother is there?

"y-yes please."

  He gets in and I go in the back. This is what it feels like to be in the back of a cop car. I look out the window anxiously waiting to see if my mom is at the station. My brain convincing me that as soon as I get there she will be waiting and we'll walk to the field together hand in hand and everything will be fine. We get to the station and I jump out and run towards the entrance not being able to wait another second. I go through security and then look around for my mother anxiously. I go through everyone once, twice, three times seeing everyone over and over but not seeing my mom once.

   I run out of the building slowly falling to the floor. Not a tear falling my face because I refuse to believe that she is gone. Any second she will come out of those doors and pull me into a giant hug. But I know it isn't true, I know that since she's not here,  she must be in the hospital. I let a tear slip and then as if that one tear triggered it...endless amounts of tears fly from my eyes like a tsunami. I close my eyes and put my face in my hands. I feel someone pull me to them in comfort but even the simple kind gesture makes me tense and jump out of their embrace screaming, my mind going straight to that night.

"Shh, shh...Malaya it's just me."

 

  I look up having to rub eyes so that I can see past the tears. I see Shawn looking at me in sorrow. I walk over to him and slap him, then I embrace him. His arms wrap around my shoulders and mine around his waist. I cry into his chest completely soaking his shirt but he doesn't mind. He doesn't try to tell me that everything is okay, he doesn't try to whisper pointless shit in my ear hoping it will make me feel better, he doesn't try to tell me that he's sorry this happened, he doesn't even try to talk. He just holds onto me in silence and without words letting me know that he's here for me when I'm ready to talk he'll listen.

"Excuse me ma'am." I look up to see the police officer. I nod so he knows I'm listening, not trusting my voice.

"I assume your mother wasn't in the station, would you like me to take you to the hospital?"

I look up at Shawn wanting him to come with me. If I go alone...who knows what will happen. Without even talking he understands and looks at the officer.

"Yes, sir. We would appreciate it if you can take us to the hospital."

The officer nods and we follow him to his car.

      ***skipping the car ride***

   We arrive at the hospital and I run out of the car much like when I got to the station I run up to the circulation desk.

"I-I'm looking f-for a Marie Johnson?" She types somethings in her computer.

"There are more than one Marie Johnsons' in the building but I assume you're talking about the one that just came in from the shooting about 15 minutes ago, correct?"

Again she clicked and typed some things in her computer and then looked at me with a pity look.

"Sorry ma'am but she had to go into an immediate operation but by that time there was nothing the doctors could do, they tried everything...she was pronounced dead 5 minutes ago. I'm so sorry I wish we could've done something."

  At this moment, it was as if my life was going in slow motion as I started falling but before I hit the ground I feel someone catch me. The person takes me outside and sit me on the bench. I already know it's Shawn. I look straight ahead with no emotion on my face. I think I'm broken...or maybe I ran out of tears. Maybe my heart has tooken enough pain and now I can't feel. I can't move, I can't even think straight the only think going through my mind is the word "dead" over and over. I sit there and sit there until night time rolls around. At this point Shawn gets up and walks away without even saying a word. Figured he would leave. Why would he stay around? He probably thinks I have to much problems now he doesn't even want to deal with me. It was bound to happen...everyone in my life leaves me. But a couple minutes later a blanket wraps around me and someone sits beside me.

"I hope you don't mind that I left but it was getting cold and you were starting to look like an icicle."

I didn't respond nor did I even glance at him. I just smiled. Maybe everyone doesn't leave me. And maybe...this isn't goodbye to my mom, it's just...a so long for now. Still smiling I looked up towards the brilliant night sky filled with stars.