Reckless Abandon (Drarry)

Chapter 15

"His name is Draco, and it was hate at first sight..."

It took a long time for Harry to summarize everything to his therapist. From the first few sharp comments they exchanged, to the rivalry in class and on the quidditch pitch, to the escalating violence of the war. Testifying in his defense afterwards. Years of not seeing each other. Then the shock of seeing him in the brothel.

Dr. Mendosa was listening, letting Harry get his thoughts out. "What happened between you after that?"

Harry let out a half-chuckle out of nerves. "Um, well, we were both shocked but there was something between us. He gave me the option of going to another man, but I wanted to stay with him. He's really the one who pushed me to make so many changes."

"How did he do that?"

This conversation was getting more uncomfortable, but Harry pushed on. "Um, well, he mocked some of the charity work I had been involved in, and whipped me so I was sore for a week."

That made the doctor look up from his notepad, his eyes questioning. "He mocked and whipped you?"

"Well, mocking me was typical behavior for him. He's always done that," Harry said quickly, and then paused. "Um, he whipped me because he was working as a dom. At the brothel."

The doctor seemed to take a minute. "So, you normally engage in this type of sexual activity?" He didn't seem judgmental.

"Um, well, no. Never before. Not since then either."

The doctor's eyebrows rose slightly, one of the few reactions Harry had ever gotten from him. He usually schooled his expressions to be neutral.

It made Harry shift in his chair, feeling uneasy. "Is that unusual?"

"You have told me about your previous relationships, and only dabbling with men in recent years. It seems like a big step to go right into being whipped if you were inexperienced." Dr. Mendosa said.

Harry fell silent for a couple minutes. "Well, I guess I just wanted to be with him enough that I let him decide what we would do. But I did have a safe word."

"That you didn't use, apparently, since you were so sore afterwards."

That comment stopped Harry, made him pause. What would have happened if he said the safe word? "I'm not sure why I didn't say it. Maybe I was just so caught up in the moment, in subspace, that it didn't occur to me. Maybe I just have a high pain tolerance." Maybe he just wanted to follow Draco's orders, be a good sub.

The doctor didn't seem swayed by these explanations, but continued on. "Did you keep coming back? Did you let him whip you again?"

"I feel a bit ashamed to say that I did. I felt intensely attracted to him, even though he said he didn't have sex with clients."

"How many times did you go back?"

Harry swallowed hard. He hadn't allowed himself to think about Draco this much in ages. "Um, three sessions only, even though the gift was for twelve."

"What happened?"

Closing his eyes, Harry thought back on that last session. He had been so far from himself, almost manic. Out of control. It had been exciting, consuming, but also terrifying. It had almost ruined everything with Draco.

Sighing, Harry opened his eyes. "I had become a bit obsessed with him by then, and I pushed beyond the rules he had laid down. He left immediately, and it took weeks to get him to talk to me again."

The doctor nodded, making a note on his notepad. "So, you went back to the brothel."

"No, I said that I liked him and kissed him. He kissed me back, and I was able to convince him to try dating. He had big reservations about it." Harry remembered how exciting it had been, those early days...