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by SHYUBF

by SHYUBF

[disappearance or suicide]
;; changjin

\/\/\/\/

April 22, 01:55 AM

"My heart beats upside down, Hyunjin. I feel it on my back."

You whispered to me, a cigarette between your lips and a tired look in your eyes. I was careless sitting on the grass while you were crouching next to me.

I remember we used to go to that place to skip classes back in high school— you asked me if we could meet there again for the nostalgia of our happy times, Changbin? Or should I say otherwise?

I didn't answer you; my lack of attitude has always been a problem. I think I should've said something that day, invited you to my place to watch Dead Poets Society and eat fried chicken.

Y'know, you always wanted to be a teacher and show your students how much literature saves our souls, but your destiny wasn't very different from mine; with a job in a small shop that pays less than a minimum wage and dreams crushed by the system while we were still young.

You left when you noticed that I wasn't going to say anything, just like all the other times.

Changbin, could you forgive me?

\/\/\/\/

April 26, 02:44

Hey, I went over to your place on thursday, the door was unlocked but the plants were unwatered. I walked in. The key on the door while the silence screamed that someone was gone- sorry, sorry, sorry.

I walked in your room, your notebook was on, there was written on your notepad the thing you told me that day. Joji's album had been recently added to your playlist named Forever, and your closet was all messy, only your favorite sweater was missing.

You were full of new e-mail's, and haven't even seen mine.

Honestly, I'm worried. Please don't disappear forever, Changbin.

(a/n): dead poets society is such a good movie tho, i recommend it a lot so you can cry like me, like changbin

also, those are e-mails hyunjin sent to binnie, sorry for not making that very clear, i didn't really know how to