Intimate Affairs [ON HOLD]

I I I

"Mom?"

She wasn't responsive.

"Mom?"

Gently nudging her shoulder, I waited for a reaction. Mom never slept this long, especially on a school day when she had to take me there. I hitched my book bag higher on my shoulder and tried to shake her again. Her head bobbled to the side and I saw the vacant stare that would forever haunt me. "Momma?"

Why won't she say anything?

I tried shaking her again, but it was the same. Nothing was there in her blank stare. I was too young to register the foam leaking from her mouth or the bottle of pills Mom wouldn't stop clutching. All my life I couldn't figure out the woman that'd given me life. She'd always been off-kilter around me in a way that a mother shouldn't act toward their child. We'd never hugged or shared laughs and she'd hardly even acknowledge me whenever we were in the same room.

I was too young to grasp the obvious signs. She had demons, ones that she wanted to silence so that she could have some peace, but her demons were stronger.

"Momma, why are you doing this to me?" I cried. "Why are you ignoring me?"

"Fallon, time for school." Grandma stopped at the door, her eyes automatically finding the slacken form of her daughter on the bed. "Vanessa?"

"She-" I sobbed. "She won't move."

"Fallon, call nine one-one. Do you remember how I taught you?"

"Yes." I replied.

"Good. Now, go!" Grandma rushed to the bed, carefully pressing two of her fingers on Mom's neck. "Go!" She snapped when she realized I hadn't moved.

Dropping my book-bag, I ran to the nearest cordless phone.

An ambulance arrived at the house several minutes later, rushing into the house with a gurney and medical equipment. I stayed in the living room and sat on the couch per Grandma's instruction and watched them carry Mom's body out of the house. She was strapped to it with something attached to her mouth while another paramedic talked to Grandma.

Then Aunt Annie arrived. She demanded to know what happened and Grandma told her, but they kept the conversation vague because I was there. Grandma didn't like to talk about adult stuff in front of me.

"Take her-I'm done." Grandma said. "I'm tired of helping Vanessa when she does this to me. I will not raise her child."

"What am I supposed to do? I've got kids of my own, Mom." Aunt Annie argued.

"You'll figure it out, but I'm not taking care of that child by myself."

"Mom, don't do this. She is Vanessa's child, not mine and I say we wait for Vanessa to get out of the hospital-"

"You and I both know she's going to do the same shit again. She doesn't even want the kid anyway." Grandma said, checking her tone before she silenced.

It was obvious they'd been talking about me. Something was so wrong with me that they felt like I was a burden.

Maybe I was.

Momma didn't like me. It made sense that no one else did too.

I was always alone and that was never going to change.

Gasping, I sprang upright, alarmed by the rigorous pounding noise that I thought had been another inconvenient malfunction in my corrosive home, but it'd only been someone knocking on my front door. I checked the time on my clock placed on the floor by my bed, watching the green numbers flash the time for the afternoon and I realized I'd nearly slept all day. Sighing, I laid my head in my palms.