erase me - kryoz [slow updates]

seven

acacia

the haunted house truly was something. after it we basically just went back to john's and crashed. i was so worn out from trying to make sure my heart didn't give in at the crisp age of 20, and john was trying to assure the same.

john decided that today he'd try his hand in cooking breakfast so we don't have to get up and go out. i don't have much faith in his abilities because i've seen what this man has done to his kitchen, so i can only assume i'll be called in to help.

anyway, i feel different being here. it's not something i can really explain. i feel happier, but i also feel something else and i don't know what it is. can't say as i'm complaining though. it's nice to feel something other than darkness everyday.

while john was making breakfast, i sent a text in my group chat with cameron and smitty.

bappo nuked the jappos

acacia
hey just thought i'd drop
by and tell you two that
texas is doing pretty good
for me. i'm really enjoying
it here.

cameron
glad to hear that. make sure
you use protection if you get to
fucking, b, wouldn't want any
kids now would you ;)

smitty
he's right but i know you're not
like that so we're trusting you,
dammit, acacia

acacia
fucking christ i can't take
you guys seriously. ever

——

after we ate breakfast, we decided we'd just lay low for the most part today. yesterday was very tiring, and john yet again had plans for us tomorrow, so why not just chill today.

i grabbed my laptop and took a seat on the couch and john sat beside me, his head on my shoulder.

"i kinda wanna book a trip somewhere else. i don't know where. i also want to have enough money to pay my rent next year, but we don't get everything we want." i sighed.

i opened up delta's website and looked over at john as if asking him for an idea.

"you should come with me, wherever i go."

"i'd love to as long as you're not taking me to alaska or some shit."

i rolled my eyes and typed in "gothenburg" into the destination box.

"sweden?" he questioned.

"i've always wanted to go there. also helsinki but that's in finland."

i had no clue when i'd make this trip happen, it probably wouldn't be too soon as i do need to keep my financial status aligned, but it's nice to get an idea.

after john and i discussed and looked at flights, i closed my laptop and placed it on the table beside me. i turned to face john and laid my legs over his and put my head on his chest. he wrapped his arms around me and i let out a deep breath.

"i could stay here all day." i muttered against his chest.

"and i'll let you do that if that's what you want."

he moved one hand up to my hair to run his fingers through it and i smiled a little against him. that seems to be his thing, playing with my hair.

"you've been playing with my hair a lot since i got here. i'm not mad though."

"you're a person i wouldn't mind laying on me and letting me play with your hair until the end of time." he said quietly.

he's said so much shit recently that has just made me soft and i hate the feeling, but at the same time i love it. i've never been one that gets worked up over cute things anyone says to me, i just don't feel like that. i could get used to this though.

eventually we ended up falling asleep together on the couch. john moved so he was laying down and it was more comfortable, and i was left with my arm across his chest and my head against his shoulder, with his arm loosely around my back.

my phone fell on the floor behind me otherwise i would check the time, but i can only imagine how long we actually slept. it's almost as if we didn't wake up, eat breakfast, and then go right back to bed.

i grabbed his freehand from my waist and traced his knuckles, hoping to wake him up without actually waking him up. john stirred a little in his sleep, but eventually came to on his own time.

he looked down at me, "you're cute."

i rolled my eyes at him and looked back at him.

"flirting is gay, john."

"if flirting is gay, then consider me very gay."

i punched his shoulder and then sat up on the edge of the couch. my feet barely touched the ground as his couch is rather high. i leaned down to grab my phone and then sat back on the opposite end of the couch.

@notacaciastrain: @kryozgaming is the cheesiest shit on earth you heard it here first
@kryozgaming: @notacaciastrain only for you b :)

"you are cheesy! continue to prove my point!" i laughed at him.

"who said it was a bad thing though?"

"i'll give it to ya, you got me there."

"damn straight." he said, patting himself on the back.

finally paying attention to the time and seeing that it's 3:45pm, i decided to haul my ass up off the couch and go take a shower since i didn't last night. hopefully this can also give me time to think about shit and maybe pull my head out of my ass.

i can't help but remember that i have absolutely no idea what i'm feeling right now and it's so fucking annoying not being able to describe how you feel. maybe smitty was right when we talked before i left. maybe there are underlying feelings, whether on my part or john's, that would come to the surface once i made it to texas. that doesn't seem believable though considering the person i am.

part of me feels like i'm trying to make myself believe i'm some edgy fuck by being like "i don't have feelings for guys that's gross!" but the other part of me knows there's reasons to that.

——
(this is short and another filler i'm sorry but i'm soft right now so maybe i can write a soft chapter tonight)