If only They Knew

Chapter 7: Your really starting to irritate me

Your Really Starting to Irritate Me

I layed there on my back, holding the picture above my head, silent tears streaking down my face. The bed creaked as I rolled on my side, still holding the picture out infront of me. Everyone was so happy, all smiles and no tears. My chest ached just thinnking about those times.

" Charlie sweatheart, pleas come down for dinner," Mama Arcelia's voice rang through the intercom. I groanned, not really wanting to get up, much rather just hole myself up in here and have a private little pity party.Pity party of one, pity party of one, your table is ready. I snorted, man I am just to funny sometimes. I rolled myself out of bed and pressed the speaker button on the intercom," Coming."

I made sure to quickly go to bathroom and fix my hair and make-up, making sure no one could tell I was crying. I slipped my mask back on and made my way downstairs. I stepped into the dining room and noticed two things. First, it smelt like heaven, I could tell that they had made my old favorites. Second of all, I was highly under dressed. I had changed into my black silk pajamas shorts and my flowy black tank top that said TBH IDC, befor I came down . I'm starting to regret that decision. Everyone was already at the table, wearing clothes you would wear to a up town reasturant. I sat down next to Maria, across from Sergio. Ricardo sat at the head of the table and Arcelia next to Sergio.

" I made all of your favorites Charlie. We're really glad to have you back." Mama Arcelia gave me a kind, motherly smile. I pushed down the pain that shot through my heart and smiled back. Everyone grabbed hands and said their prayers. We all dug in and an awkward silence crept into the room and began to suffocate us. I cleared my throat,

" The food is delicious Mama A, thank you." I smiled warmly at her and took a bite of my macarooni. She smiled back and continued eating. The silence becam suffocating again. As everyone began to finish off their dinner Papa Ricardo set down his napkin, cleared his throat and looked at me. Uh oh. Please don't ask me any questions please don't ask me any-

"So Charlie," God dammit," What have you been up to these last few years?"I could feel everyone's eyes on me, waiting for an answer. Sergio had been avoiding eye contact all night, but now it seemed I had his full attention. His and Maria's curious eyes were burning a hole into my face.

" Well um, I uh...." I wasn't quite sure what to tell them. The truth? Maybe I- No. I would never tell them the truth. No need for them to feel the pain that ripped my family apart. That stays buried six feet under for eternity.

"I travelled Europe for a little bit. Graduated high school, well I was homeschooled actaully." Good Charlie, basic but simple, believable. Hopefully enough to pacify them. Mama A nodded her head, a small smile on her lips. But looking over at Maria I knew my anwser wasn't enough to satisfy their raging curiosity. Damn.

"Thats wonderful mijah. Did you like living in London?" I could see the underlying question underneath. I chose not to act on it, play oblivious and pretend like I didn't get what she really meant.

"I loved it. It was an interesting-"I didn't finish my sentance when Maria stood up slamming her fists on the table.

"Enough! Stop with this idle chit chat shit! Charlie, why can't you just give us a straight answer and tell us what happened while you were gone. We'll love you no matter what! It's like you didn't even miss us while you were gone. We missed you EVERY.SINGLE.DAY." Tears were now streaming down Maria's face. She slumped down in her chair, her hands going up to her face. My heart constricted, knowing that I cuased this pain, knowing that I caused this whole famiy pain for years. But no matter how badly I hurt them I couldn't tell them the truth. THe pain of not knowing wouldn't hurt nearly as bad as the truth would.

" Did you even care about us at all?" This time Sergio spoke. He had remaied silent this whole time but I felt his cold, hard eyes on me the whole time Maria spoke. Don't say anything more Sergio.

" Did you secrety laugh at all the tears we cried for you, not giving a damn?" Stop. Please.

" When you broke my heart, my whole family's heart, you probaby didn't even lose a minuete of sleep over it did you?" I grit my teeth, knowing that one more comment would send me over the edge.

" You selfish whore-" SLAP. The room became silent as I stood infront of Sergio, heavily breathing. His heard still turned the the side, his hand now cupping my soon to bruise cheek. As my breathing became less labored and I began to calm down, my father's words come back to haunt me, Your ruin this family like you've ruined every other one. My cold face comes back and i stand up straighter.

"If your going to be a smart ass, first you have to be smart, otherwise you just an ass," My signiture smirk appeared and I crossed my arms. Don't let them see that he actually got ot you. I promise I'd never show anyone my weak side ever again.

" Now if you'll excuse i beileive I have some, what was it you said? Oh right, 'Whoring' around do to. Thank you Mama A, the meal was delicious. Maria I...Sorry." I patted Sergio's cheek that i slapped and then turned around and walked away. The whole time swaying my butt, knowing that he was watching me. Once I got to my room I slammed the door and slumped down, craddling my head in my hands. I glanced over to my bed and saw a picture of us back in London. It was one of the last few times we had together befor my whole spiralled down a rabbit hole. You know what? It's rude to lie, so I think I am going to go meet some cute guys. Get a little wasted.

I went to my closet and sorted through my clothes when it hit me, everything I brought back with me from London was at my father's house.Shit. I decided to go to Maria's room and see if she had anything I could borrow. I couldn't stay in this house any longer without stabbing Sergio or myself. I paused outside of Maria's room, fist ready to knowck. Would she even open her door let alone kend me something to wear? Sighing I decided to turn back around and just go dressed as Iwas.

" CharlieRoo?" I heard Maria sniffle