The Royal Tutor Oneshots

A different side of Licht

Trigger warnings: self harm, angst

I need to stop writing sad chapters omg but these just come out so naturally 🙃

Sorry for not updating in so long, here's a late Christmas gift tho! Happy holidays everyone!
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He was always different from his brothers. Acting playful around others, not showing a prince-like attitude to anyone unless it was really required to. He always cared more about living life to the fullest and having fun while doing so, rather than forcing yourself into doing something you don't enjoy just because you have been told to do so by someone of higher authority. The prince hated authorities. He did not think them necessary to run a happiness-filled country. Licht often tried helping people out in any way possible, whether that be in town, at café Mittermayer or at the palace, not once thinking of this "authority" he actually possessed over them. He always had a carefree attitude and a large smile plastered across his face, giving his eyes an oh so beautiful gleam...

Licht, meaning: "Light".

He was such a free spirited boy with a personality that shone so brightly in this world consumed by darkness. So easy and light to talk to. The fourth prince lived life just like any other teen his age, fooling around, making memories with those he called "friends", rebelling against his family when they did not agree with him... and then going to his teacher, as his teacher's shoulder was the only thing he felt comfortable crying on, or admitting that he was wrong. The only person he opened up to when something felt wrong.

But, why a teacher? Why not go vent to his father, his brothers that he could always depend on and would always be there for him?

Why Heine?

Flashback

"It's not fair! It's not fair!! It isn't!" The long-haired prince punched the wall of his bedroom continuously as tears rolled onto his pale cheeks. "Damn it all!"

He stopped. Weird thoughts ran through his head. Weird and scary thoughts that no one should be having. It was as if he was simply a puppet being controlled by his feelings, his anger, despair, sadness. Licht was unaware of when he stopped his punches, but as he cleared his eyes of tears, he found himself in front of a mirror in his bathroom. Eyes bloodshot. Puffy. Lifeless. Where has that gleam gone now? Licht blinked twice, and then smiled widely, but it wasn't his usual, friendly smile. It was something to be terrified of. A psychotic smile that meant no good... his hands went to search inside the cabinets of the bathroom, effortlessly finding blades all over.

The boy looked at himself in the mirror once again. What had he become? Who was he? Who was controlling him this way? Yet none of those questions had an answer... 

He wasn't thinking, so he did what he shouldn't have. Licht rolled up the sleeves of his white, silky nightgown and started creating lines in his wrists. Lines of blood. Lines of pain, each one representing something different.

"This is for being stupid..!" He sliced his flesh. "...T-this for messing everything up..." he sobbed and hiccuped as he kept cutting, not sure if these feelings he was feeling were of pain or pleasure.

At that time, Heine had just recently moved in, and was still not accommodated with the four princes. As he could not fall asleep, the small man decided that taking a stroll around the west wing of the castle in the middle of the night would ease him a little, and rid him of this lump in his chest that he just suddenly started feeling.

Maybe it was fate, God not wanting to take Licht's life away so quickly, or maybe it was just a fortunate coincidence, but whilst Heine was walking, he heard someone's muffled cries. Of course, to see what it was, the tutor investigated it, each step he took bringing him closer to the source of the voice, whimpers.

Soon, the ginger found himself right in front of the youngest prince's chambers, exactly where these worrisome sounds seemed to have its source.

He knocked once, twice... nothing.

"Prince Licht? Are you all right?" He called.

The crying stopped. However no reply came.

"Your highness?" Silence... "...I'm entering," Heine warned before he opened the door slowly, letting himself in and finding the prince sitting on his bed, clutching the blankets close, as if hanging onto them for dear life, while he continuously breathed rapidly.

"Is everything okay? I heard--"

"Y-yep! Everything's..." The teen didn't let his teacher finish. He wasn't expecting anyone to be awake at this time! Licht had not gotten enough time to clean up his wounds and bandage them, damn it! "...fine..." he looked down, unable stop tears from forming on his eyes.

A new weight was added to the bed, and when the blonde glanced to the side, he saw his professor sitting next to him, swiftly taking Licht's shaking wrists onto his lap.

Neither said a word.

"Do you wish to talk about it..?" Heine was so calm, almost afraid to ask... He slowly and carefully rolled up the now bloodied sleeves of the younger one's gown.

His choice of words was so different from what Licht expected. He expected to get scolded, yelled at, judged...

And that's when he exploded. In that moment, Licht forgot about everything, everyone. He started sobbing once again, but for the first time in his life, he let someone see him break down like this.

Licht yelled and cried, insulted Heine for even finding him like this in the first place, but then, after calming down a little, he started pouring out everything he could. He clenched his fists, making the deep wounds bleed even more as he told his professor about the facade he had been keeping up for ages, because in reality, as mature as he seemed sometimes, Licht was still just a sensitive child inside.

And this was anything but a bother for Heine. He listened and listened to the boy all night long, finally understanding him a little better. Heine hadn't interrupted him once. The blonde needed someone to talk to about his struggles, and he felt a big relief, that the prince trusted him enough to do so...

End of flashback

So, why Heine..?

Because, Heine was there for him. Even if he could not offer much help, he was there to listen. He was there to comfort him, see through his fake smiles and laughs that he still kept up, even after having a long talk with the small professor about what he was doing to himself. He seemed to always be there for him when nobody else was.

But to tell the truth, a little promise that they made that night played the biggest part into forming this mutual trust:

"W-wait Heine!" Licht called out. The elder turned around, hand still grasping the door handle. The blonde looked down as his cheeks held a red tint to them. "Promise me, that whatever happened here will only stay between the two of us..." he raised his head again, awaiting an answer. The tutor seemed reluctant, but before he could open his mouth for a reply, Licht cut him off.

"Please Heine, I shared my secrets with you, I trusted you..! Please... don't make me regret telling you the truth." He looked so desperate, so scared of people toying with him if they found out, so Heine gave in.

"...very well then, my prince. You have my word."