Regret

I was once asked by my friends, "Okay pa ba kayo ni Kyle?"

I hesitate to answer their question at first. Feeling ko kasi their curiosity is much more dominant than their concern.

But I just smiled at them. Like I dont really care of him, "Edi wala na." Casual kong sagot.

They nod. And that was the last time they asked me.

Akala ko noon, friends would be the one to know your ups and down. Yung tipong isang tingin lang nila sayo alam na nilang may problema. But no one dared to ask me after that. And I dont know the reason. Maybe because there's a huge facade in me? Or because they are done spoon feeding their curiousity? Well hindi ko na alam.

I was yearning for friends. Longing for him. And seeking for answers. Pero wala namang bumalik.

That time, I was desperate to forget all. I wanted to forget them all. But Im a kind of friend that's a one way call. Ewan ko, I cant resist you, guys. But why is my whole existence seems nothing to you?

Then I have found the answers. Si Trish pala, yung isang barkada natin na ang nililigawan ni Kyle.

Remember? Casual lang kayo noon sa akin. You didnt give any sympathy sa akin which is fine with me since I dont need your pity. Hindi nga ata kayo aware na nasasaktan ako. Kasi yun naman ang pinapakita ko. But I thought you knew me all too well?

I once remember, ayaw nyo si Kyle for Trish. Si Trish kasi yung princess type sa ating lahat. Napaka vulnerable nya. And Kyle is the badass type. You, guys always tell me how you dont like Kyle for Trish. Kasi baka sasaktan lang ni Kyle si Trish sa huli. And I smiled faintly that time. I remember kasi, you didnt reprimand me nung mga panahong kami pa ni Kyle the way you do it with Trish. Wala ba akong halaga sa inyo?

So anyway the point is I'm much of a regretful person. No, I dont regret meeting you, guys. I regret being myself. I regret caring for you too much. I regret forgetting myself for loving others who cannot even see my whole existence. Yes, I get it. She's vulnerable and so are the others. I, too is vulnerable like her. I'm a very fragile glass, one touch and I'm broken.

So this whole leaving is the peak of my agony. I think I deserve a break. Feeling ko kasi pag di pa ako umalis mamumuo sa galit ang konti kong tampo kay Trish. Nagtatampo ako not because of her having Kyle. Nagtatampo ako at nagseselos because she always have you, guys. And that would be unfair on her side since choice nyo naman na mas gustuhin sya. And I dont want na magkagalit kami to the extent na papipiliin kayo kung sino ang sasamahan nyo sa aming dalawa. Because obviously, sya ang pipiliin nyo kesa sa akin. And that fact alone is mind blowing

So I just wanna say that this whole leaving thing is not running out of responsibility but saving the friendship we once created since we are young. Because somehow I still value this friendship. I just needed to heal all wounds. Because I think only time will heal all wounds.

Trying to heal all wounds,

Karen.

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This short story is dedicated to the author who touched my heart. Her stories are short and precise.

Hi Ate, ang ganda po ng short stories nyo. I also read your tips sa UPCAT. Nakakatawa po. Akala ko po inspirational yung sasabihin nyo dun eh.

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First time ko lang nagsulat sa wattpad. Hahaha. And Im not quite good. Napakaikli din haha. So thank you sa nagbasa. This has a second part. Yung title po ay 'Their Side'. Will post it somewhere in September.