Anonymously

Chapter 1: I'm Broken!

                Being a kid and having an amazing childhood is the best thing that can happen to anyone. Having parents that love you, protect you and amazing people surrounding you is honestly the best feeling. Sadly that is not always the case, we have to create consciousness for there are children out there suffering in hands of irresponsable parents, horrible foster care and many other reasons. 

                There are many things a child should not have to go through. For example: having to fight someone off of you is not something a kid should have to do. Feeling like someone has control over you because they are much older is not aceptable. It doesn't matter how old you are if you're 5 years old or even 100 you have a voice, you have rights and they should never be violated in any way. You have the right to speak up, and speak your mind.

                Hi, I'm an anonymous writer and this is my story.

                I'm too excited just turned 9 years old a couple of months ago and it's finally summer. Finally, school is over. I don't have a clue what to do today, but something I do have clear is that I'm hungry and my mom is not at home so I'm going to my grandmas house to eat breakfast since she's my neighbor. Turns out my grandparents weren't home that day but, my cousin was so I decided to stay there with him just because he was playing Xbox and I wanted to play as well.

                 We started playing COD, There's something you should know and it's that I'm a really competitive person. I'm so focus on winning this round, I just can't let him win. Out of nowhere I feel a hand slowly making it's way up my thigh, to be honest I felt disgusted and I wanted to leave when I tried to the door was locked and somehow my nerves got the best of me and I just couldn't open it. He made his way up to me, and he started to touch my back and he kissed my neck. I was crying at this point because somehow I knew what was coming. He forced me to lay on my back, he was using so much force that I couldn't even move. His hands made their way into my underwear and he started to touch me and I was horrified he started to pull my dress up and just like that my bottom half was completely naked in front of him. Just when he was going to make his way into my genitals my grandparents got home. I couldn't have been happier in that moment. I felt like that torture was finally over, just when I was going to tell them what happened he threaten me. He told me that if I didn't keep doing it my family was going to get hurt, I couldn't let that happen. I love my family, my mom, my dad, my siblings. I continued to give him blowjobs against my will. He used to ask me if I liked what I was doing and if I said "No" he would only make it worst. To avoid that I just used to say yes, and pray that it would end soon. For 2 years that kept happening and nobody had even the slightest clue. 2 years full of torture and pain. That's when I learned. I learned what it was to pretend. Pretend to be ok, to smile through the pain. Nobody knows, they would never imagine how I felt during those 2 years, as disgusted and disappointed I was at myself. 

                 A 9 year old shouldn't be going through that especially by a family members. It all stoped because I had a phone and recorded without him noticing and threatened him with telling everyone. He finally left me alone, but all the stuff he did to me reminded in my memory. Everything haunted me in my dreams. I remember waking up to those horrible nightmares every single night because I couldn't get over what he did to me. I woke up sweaty thinking everything it was happening all over again, afraid and feeling like there was no one there to save me. 

                I know what's like to feel helpless, I've been there. After a couple of years I realized that the saying  "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" is very much true. Maybe you have found yourself in a situation like this and you don't know what to do. Many people think about suicide but let me tell you that it not an answer. If are going through this don't make my mistake, and DON'T stay quiet. I realize now that I could've ended everything sooner. If only I would've been brave enough to talk to my parents and realize that his threats weren't real. Don't ever let a person abuse and disrespect you like that. Don't ever feel like you are not worth it, that you are not enough, because you are. Want to know why? Because you are human, you are unique and have so many qualities that make you awesome. You are a fighter, a survivor. Love yourself because in the end is the only thing that matters.

                Being rape is something you shouldn't accept from anyone. It doesn't matter who they are or what they mean to you. It doesn't even matter if you're dating or even married. Letting them do what they want with your body is not right. It's your body, your rights. If you have gone through this recently just know that it does get better, the nightmares do go slowly away, it doesn't last forever. The storm will bring you closer than where you are meant to be tomorrow, and after you get over the situation you will find yourself helping others that went through or are going through what you went through, and that is going to be your biggest satisfaction. Helping  others overcome and conquer their biggest fear. It wasn't pretty, but you made it. I'm so proud of you because you are strong. Let me tell you something, you will make it to the end of the tunnel and you will see the light. Just remember that you are loved, supported, and if you ever need help do not doubt reaching out to me.