Heads and Bodies

-Limbo-

-Angela-

"Addiction begins with the hope that something "out there" can instantly fill up the emptiness inside."

Jean Kilbourne

The sharp lash of fluorescent electromagnetic radiation brings water to the dry confines of my eyes, as I stare absentmindedly towards the ceiling of my therapists office, attempting to avoid the reoccurring question. That Dr Morgan had pressed upon me for the past three months, " Have you attempted to attend the AA groups?" I roll my eyes in annoyance, " Dr Morgan, I am not going to attend a group with addicts, I am not an addict"
" denial is a symptom of addiction Angela"
I begin to slump within my chair, the lingering eyes of my case worker, Grace,  that sat beside me began to bore into my cranium, or perhaps it was the onset of paranoia, I had yet to decipher the two apart.
" Doctor, it wouldn't be so difficult to prescribe me.."
" Angela, for the final time prescription narcotics are what began this cycle in the first place"  Dr Morgan sighed as he pressed his large frames upwards upon the bridge of his Grecian nose, before running his hands through his Smokey hair 
" it's AA Or rehab Angela, I can't help you anymore" 
The crushing feeling of abandonment infiltrated my stomach, a feeling I had felt far to often throughout my 24 years of surviving.

I stood to my feet as the tears  began to build rapidly, I looked towards Grace as she nodded almost knowingly ,before I began pacing towards the office door and into the car.
Grace had been my case worker since I was 6, when I had been taken away from my parents due to their own addiction to drugs, Grace has been the only positive figure in my life, I hated letting her down but I hated the feeling of withdrawals far more. I momentarily close my eyes, ignoring the distant migraine threatening to emerge due to the fact my last hit was almost 5 hours ago.

" Ang?" Grace's voice penetrated the void walls of my conscious, as I opened my eyes to meet hers, before darting my attention downwards to avoid the judgement in her comforting eyes " I'm not going Grace" I began to pick at the scab surrounding my thumb nail that had never had the chance to heal, " Ang.. please? Look I know it's har.."
my mind began to wander as I took in the mediocre view of the concrete Parking lot, imagining a life far simpler than my own
" Angela? Are you even listening?" I snapped back into reality as Grace waved her hands in front of me to latch on the the last bit of attention I saved only for her,
" Grace you DON'T know and that is the problem no one seems understand what I'm saying, I'm not sick, I'm not an addict I haven't used drugs in a long time okay?" LIE 
" you have done so well I know, but Ang I'm serious they will send you away if you don't atten.."
" don't say it Grace" DON'T
" I'm just trying to talk to you"
" WELL maybe I don't want to talk" I raised my voice in an attempt to finish this painful conversation as I latch my fingernails into the tender bed of my palm, and sighed as Grace swiftly strapped herself in and began the car without saying another word.

I had been staring at the passing houses for what seemed like an eternity, my ability to judge time and distance had become skewed, especially over the last few weeks.
" Grace?" I sat upright in an attempt to familiarise myself with the area, this wasn't home
"Grace?!" I looked towards her direction as i noticed and abundance of tears fall upon her aged cheek
" I'm sorry Ang, it's just to make sure"
My skin pricked up as a terrifying chill swept through my entire body, I had done this before, A drug test.
It had been at least a year since I last had one, and I had paid an old friend to supply me with a urine sample and I was deemed negative for drugs and alcohol but there was no escape today.
" Grace please" I began to cry out as I reached for her, causing her to slightly swerve the steering wheel  " Grace we could just leave, you and me huh? Wouldn't that be nice?" My brain had gone into flight mode, attempting to find anyway out of the inevitable, my vision blurred with tears and hysteria.
" GRACE PLEASE" I screamed as I spun around towards the door handle, the sound of the lock sounded as my finger met with the plastic of its exterior
" No Angela" Grace cried out loud as she continued down the road that had turned into the path to hell, " GRACE" I thrashed against the door in an attempt to break it open
" ANGELA STOP" I had begun to experience white spots in my vision as my body was no longer able to handle the stress of the situation   I was being forced into
" I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME"
" ANGELA I'M TRYING TO HEL.."
" YOU FUCKING HATE ME" I continued to screech as my hand unknowingly began to aim for the steering wheel firmly within Grace's Grip.
*FLASHBACK*

"  Angela Johnson, aged six "
My small body was being handled by a stranger, this wasn't Dad or Mummy,
" MUMMY" I began to cry for her as I was carefully placed within a car
" Mother announced dead on scene, Greg Anderson has yet to be located" a male voice sounded off through the small radio located on the waist of the man in blue who had put me in the car
" Angela.. Mummy loves you"
" Angela, get the FUCK over here"
" ANGELA"

" ANGELA STOP IT" I snapped back into reality as my hands remained firmly planted on the wheel as the small car began to veer from side to side against the road
" GRACE COME ON PLEASE" I tugged the direction of the wheel towards me, causing the car to finally veer completely to the left, Grace let out a blood curdling scream as the car began to roll into its side at high speeds, before crashing into a power pole, I had felt my body being thrown around the car shortly before feeling an enormous impact on the back of my head, which caused reality to sink into oblivion.