your body is a weapon → brad simpson | ✓

forty nine

My dad and I sit at the kitchen island, eating a dinner he had made for us both. He rarely has time to make home-cooked meals anymore so it's nice to eat some proper food.

"How's everything at school?" My dad sparks a new conversation. It's my fourth day of mocks and they were stressing me out.

Brad and I have seen each other less since he's being called in by Aiden more all of a sudden and I have to revise anyway. I've received a few texts off of Aiden but I ignored them. He wanted to know by tomorrow at the evening party if I'm going to 'take his hand in marriage'.

I'm so unsure on what I should do—I want to make sure Brad is safe and not in risk of danger but I also want to be with Brad. I have less than twenty four hours to make up my mind.

Do I go with my brain or my heart?

"School is good," I smile tightly at my dad. "Next week is the end of my mocks exams thankfully, then there's three months left until I break up from school."

I wonder if I'll be breaking up from school engaged.

My dad smiles at me. "That's good. Are you finding everything okay? I know how much stress school can be nowadays."

"Everything's fine," I smile assuringly at him. "I have Brad by my side making sure that I'm fine."

"Brad's a good guy," my dad comments. "He treats you like a princess, even I've noticed. I shouldn't tell you this but he came up to me the other day and just spoke to me about how much he cares for you, and just told me that I don't have to worry about you being hurt. I think he loves you."

I smile softly. Brad went out of his way to speak to my dad? About me? My heart warms at the thought.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask my dad and he nods, taking a bite of his food. "You know if you were given an. . . opportunity and if you take it, you become unhappy but make other people happy, what would you do? Would you take the opportunity?"

My dad tilts his head slightly. "Well, it would depending on what you're gaining or losing, if you could adjust to the opportunity."

I purse my lips. Am I actually gaining anything from marrying Aiden, or am I just losing everything?

"If you've been offered something, sweetheart," my dad says. "And you know you're not going to die from it, why say no? What if this is a one in a lifetime choice?"

"Because I'll be really unhappy," I mumble, pushing my half empty plate away. "But I cant be selfish and ruin other people's lives."

"I'm not gonna ask what you've been offered," my dad says. "It's not my business and I trust you, you're just looking for advice. But I know you'll make the right choice, and everything will work out for you in the end."

"Thanks dad," I smile at him. "Am I okay to go upstairs? I think I'm gonna go to bed early."

He nods even though we both know I won't sleep for another few hours.

+

I toss between the sheets of my bed in an attempt to get comfortable. I'm either too warm or too cold or the mattress is too bumpy or I'm too low down. I just can't get to sleep tonight when I know full-well what the big decision I'm making is the following day.

I think I've made up my mind. I can't be selfish and have Brad to myself, I can't put his life and so many innocent lives on the line just so I can be happy. At the end of it, I could lose Brad in a worse way.

I know he's going to hate me because I've made it obvious that I like him, that I want a future with him. I know I'm probably never going to see him again and that's the hardest part of accepting my decision. I'm losing the boy that means so much to me.