Almost Is Never Enough

5. - solving the situation

Chapter Five.

***

   "What the fuck!" I exclaim, falling back to take in what's going on. I am beyond shocked to see him here.

   "I'm not leaving you alone..." a soft, shaking, desperate voice floats gently in the atmosphere as his sorrowful eyes meet mine. "Never will I ever leave you alone to die. If you do, I'll die with you." His eyes are red, the same way Noah's were. It gives me the same chills whenever I look into his eyes. He's a spitting image of him and it almost scares me.

   I am still processing all that is happening right now, in shock that he saved me despite his hostility towards me hours ago. Now, I don't care who tells me otherwise, but that's the exact definition of 'bipolar'.

   "I could never do that to you. I couldn't ever quit on you, Alana." the tone of his voice sounds so depressing, tugging at my heartstrings in a way that makes me want to sob even more, no matter how many times I cried today.

   "Alana, listen to me," his tearful eyes meet mine, fingertips finding their way on my arms and comes down to my hands. He holds them gently, glancing at the cuts and a tear rolls down his cheek. "I would never leave you in the hands of death. You are too special to have your life taken by the enemy." I am momentarily confused by what he means until I comprehend, finally, what he is talking about.

   "You said you gave up on me."

   "Alana, I could never give up on you. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, I'll always be there. Saving your life is worth lying to you."

   "Is it really? Having to hear my parents argue every night before I go to bed and I have to cry myself to sleep because I'm afriad my mom and dad won't be together and it's my fault. Is that precious to you? Is finding someone I could truly connect with and she fully turns her back on me as if I'm poison to her worth living through? Is being threatened physically and emotionally every day something worthwhile? Because if it is, please tell me and I will make everyday the best day of my life. Because if it is, then life is truly amazing. What I've gone through is something no kid should ever experience. And I've seen enough." I argue back, and he withdraws his hands from mine.

   I can see him mouth the word: 'No.'

   Seeing him angry won't make me the least bit of scared, but seeing him heartbroken terrifies me far beyond what Jolene could ever do.

   Softly weeping, he backs away to wipe his eyes. "Please, I'm not playing 'cat and mouse', Alana, what you did to yourself is something you cannot take back. Do you not have the slightest idea that you can shake the world with just one action, that you can break people with your bitterness and hatred?"

   "Really? As if you really care about why I'm doing this." I spat at him, still in disbelief over his 'heroic' action.

   "What the hell, Alana!" He shouts, "You know what? You can keep acting all in denial if you want but you can never escape the fact that in your heart you're just like Jolene: hurt." He says harshly and the words shoot at me.

   Wrong move, Jonah.

   "I am not Jolene, she's a damned sicko. Nor will I ever be like her!" I shout back, I get angrier by the second. I feel my cheeks flush with heat and embarrassment as the great memories of her and I fill my hatred-ridden mind. I hide my inward shame towards my past feelings for her by turning my rather pissed expression into a remorseful frown. I still hate that he dares have the audacity to compare me with her and although it was against my will to have this thought come across my mind, she remains the very last thing I even want to think about at this point in time.