Her Healing Hands

Chapter 9

Luke's POV

Rehab Center October 27, 2018

Luke Stood at the front of the room and addressed the rest of the group in attendance, "I'm Luke, um, addict."

"Hi, Luke." The group responded

"Hi." He shuffled nervously, "I actually don't know what I want to say here. You know, I've never had this much time before." He gave a slight smile, "You know, 90 days. Um So, here goes."

He took a breath before beginning, "It's taken me ten years to get 90 days clean. And I'm starting step four, which is always the one that does me in." He chuckled slightly, "A fearless moral inventory."

Luke paused for a moment before continuing, "Now, I've been called a lot of things in my life, but "fearless" is not one of them. You know, I was always a scared little kid, and I thought I thought I'd get braver as I got older, but um, I didn't. I just got scared of new things."

He took another moment to collect his thoughts, "My mom committed suicide when I was six years old. And my siblings, best friend and I were sent to live with our aunt, and, I mean, I was just a kid, you know. I didn't... I didn't really understand death yet. So, I, uh... I guess I just expected her to, um... To come back."

Luke's eyes were starting to get a little teary as he told his story to this room full of strangers, "And every night, I'd... I'd stare out my window as the cars came around the corner, just hoping that one would stop and my mom would step out, you know, to come take us home. Every time I saw those headlights come round the corner, I'd sit up in bed and I'm staring out of my window, just full of hope." He gave a sad smile at the memory, "But they'd just keep driving."

"Those tail lights, they were the worst. Red eyes in the dark, just taking hope with them. I mean, Mom she never came back, of course, but other things from when I was a kid, they came back. And I guess that's I guess that's why I started using in the first place, you know? To keep those things away."

"And I'd... I'd get clean you know, a week, a month. But I'd always feel 'em, you know, just sneaking back up on me. So I'd use." He gave a slight chuckle, "You know, my family, they're not gonna believe this. They never really believe me. And I don't blame them. You know, I fucked them over so many times. Lied... stole."

He looked around the room and smiled, "Come on, you all know what I mean. And I guess I guess I'll... I'll never know how it felt for them to be done like that. I hope I never know."

Luke let out a breath and laughed, "Ah, sorry. I want to thank my caseworker, Paige, and everyone at our recovery house. And someone... Someone special, who's always, had my back, even though she's not here to hear me thank her, my girlfriend, Tara who has stood by me through everything. Thank you. Any addict alone..."

The rest of the room chimed in, "...is in bad company."

"That's right. Thank you." He said before going to sit back down.

Payphone October 29, 2018

"I... I couldn't help her," Luke says shakily into the phone.

"We've been waiting for you to call." Paige responded on the other side, "There's something I need to tell you."

"Listen," Luke interrupted, "I know I fucked up. Okay? But I... I didn't use, I didn't. And I'm so fucking cold, and my... and my arms and legs are so stiff." He shivered at his spoke, "I just, I... I need a bed. Like a couch. I'll sleep on the goddamn floor. Just please." He trembled, "Please, please let me come back."

Paige sighed, "Where are you? We'll come get you."

Luke sat on the bench waiting for someone from the rehab center to come pick him up. He was cold and hurt...and he was scared. His knee was bouncing up and down as he counted, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight." He'd stop at eight and start back over, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight."