PRIDE | Book 1 of the Seven Sins Saga (Ongoing)

2 - "I would feel inadequate, once again."

I pulled up outside Lily's historic Victorian two-story home a few hours later, already regretting my decision to come to this party. The lawn was full of a motley crew of random cars, a few of my classmates gathered in clusters outside, sticking to their cliques like they always did. I found an empty parking spot and killed the engine, choosing to sit in the dark for a moment. I needed courage to get through this. I hated walking through a crowd of people, and that's exactly what I would have to do to find Lily in this mess.

I smoothed out the navy blue dress I wore. I'm ashamed to admit that I spent entirely way too long trying to figure out what to wear. I didn't want to look like I was trying too hard to fit in because then, of course, everyone would make fun of me. I also didn't want to show up underdressed because again, my peers would judge me and I would feel inadequate, once again. I should be used to it. I mean, I was used to it, but it still bothered me.

I had decided on this cute casual navy dress that I paired with some mahogany tights and chestnut knee-high boots. Topping it all off, I had decided to wear an off-white cardigan that dipped down to my thighs, giving what I hoped was a carefree but fashionable autumn look.

Checking my reflection in the mirror, I confirmed that I didn't have anything on my face that would embarrass me. My skin was blemish free (finally, after years of acne and skin problems in middle school) and I had lined my eyes with a bit of kohl eyeliner hoping to make them pop. But the whole look was drab. I was drab. That's just the way it was. Looking at my reflection in the rearview mirror, it seemed like my eyes were constantly drooped and sad.

With a hefty sigh, I lifted myself out of my car, slamming the door behind me. I started the short walk up to the front door, allowing my curtain of plain brown hair to fall like a veil between me and the outside world. I focused on my feet, stepping one foot in front of the other. I could already feel eyes on me. At least, I think so. I swallowed and decided not to look. Just get in the house. Find Lily. And leave. Piece of cake.

Once inside the house, I couldn't keep looking at my feet. There were so many people, bustling about and jostling me. Deep, thumping bass music blared throughout the house. Girls were screaming and laughing loudly as they danced all over each other in the living room while a stream of guys stood around the room by the walls, watching their moves with sneers on their faces.

I didn't see Lily so I weaved my way through the crowds of people toward the kitchen. So far I had managed to stay out of everyone's way. No one seemed to notice me, yet. Or if they had, they hadn't sought me out or stopped me. I breathed a small sigh of relief. Maybe I could do this.

Holding my head a little higher, the nerves trickling away from me, I stepped through the swinging doors into the kitchen.

My blood ran cold when silence met me. Sure, the bass music was still thumping in the next room, but it was like all conversation had stopped in the room. Everybody looked up at me when I walked in. I mean, everybody. I felt my face pale, my throat dried, and my eyes widened to the size of saucers.

"Kaylee!" I heard a voice call from across the large kitchen space. Following the sound, I spotted Lily decked out in her designer clothes, squeezing through the immobile bodies scattered around the room. As she walked through the small cluster of people, they began to resume whatever they had been doing, pulling their intruding eyes away from me. I let out a breath as everyone went back to ignoring me.

Lily came to a stop right in front of me. Her pale face glowed as if she had applied some sort of shimmer primer to her face, but Lily never wore make-up. She didn't need to. Her bright blue eyes shone vividly beneath the long dark lashes and seemed to bore right into me. She flicked a lock of blonde hair over her shoulder and flashed me a smiled. "I'm so glad you came," she said.

"Yeah, well..." I said, waving my hand in the air. "It's our birthday..."

"It is!" she exclaimed. She linked her arm in mine and turned to face the kitchen again. "We need to celebrate."

I cringed but allowed her to pull me through the throng of party-goers to the other side of the kitchen. I felt a little better now that I was with someone who actually wanted to be near me, but I still didn't feel like celebrating.

Lily stopped us in front of a corner of the island bar where a punchbowl full of red liquid sat waiting next to a pile of plastic cups. "Let's take a birthday shot!" she shouted, her voice layering over the mumble of other voices and the subtle bass music.

A chorus of encouraging hollers rang through the room and the small group of people within the kitchen seemed to tighten around us as they pulled closer to watch. My stomach dropped and I lowered my head again. "Uh, no..." I whispered.

"What?" Lily said in a loud voice. She opened a cabinet underneath the island and pulled out a bottle of clear liquid. Vodka.

I cleared my throat and attempted to speak up. "Lily, no," I said more clearly. "I don't want to take any shots."

Everyone heard me that time. A few groans met my ears and I felt a shove against my back causing me to stumble enough that I had to grab the corner of the counter to steady myself. "Oh, Kaylee, come on," Lily said. She poured the clear liquid into the two cups before twisting to face me head on, her blue eyes flashing mischievously at me.

The old me probably would have just taken the shot. The old me would definitely be having more fun. But ever since Mack died, everything good about me died with him. And now I just didn't even want to be here.

I felt my face heating as I looked around at all the eyes watching me, sneering at me, judging me. I felt like I was on a stage and I was being forced to perform, but I really didn't know my lines at all. I had no idea what to say to these people.

I felt my breathing escalate. "No," I snapped. "Stop it. I don't want to." My words were sharp, cutting through the fun atmosphere that Lily had been trying to create. I felt shaky and jittery. People were too close to me. I needed to just get away from them all.

I tried looking around for an escape but all I could see were the prying eyes of my peers, watching me, sneering at me, judging me. Lily said something to me but I couldn't make out what she said. She moved the cup closer to me, urging me to take it. "Kaylee," she said. "Kaylee. Take it. Kaylee."

Someone touched my shoulder from behind me, making me jump. I thrust my hand forward without thinking and knocked the cup away from me. And right at Lily.

The clear liquid splashed up into her face and dripped down her cheeks. She gasped, closing her eyes before opening them again to lock them directly on me.

There was no friendliness in her eyes now. I had crossed a line - a line I didn't even know existed. There was no recovering from this.

"What the hell, Kaylee?" a boy said from across the counter. I glanced at him, but immediately wished I hadn't. He was looking at me the same way everyone looked at me now. Like I was pathetic. A worthless excuse for a human being.

I turned back to Lily, her icy eyes still frozen on me. "I'm sorry," I said, stuttering my words. I crossed my arms over my torso, attempting to hold myself together. I backed up, the people behind me thankfully moving out of my way. "I'm really sorry."

With that, I turned and bolted from the room. I needed to get out of there. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I could barely see anything as tears blurred my vision.

Miraculously, I somehow made it outside to my car. A loud humming buzzed in my ears. I felt sick to my stomach. I sat in the drivers' seat of my car for a moment, hoping to calm down. I ruined everything. Just like I always did.

I glanced at my bloodshot brown eyes in the rearview mirror, the sight upsetting me even more. I truly was a worthless person. No one needed to be around me. I was a disappointment to everyone. Including to myself.

Especially to myself.