Judd Birch and me

My Place

"Sooo what exactly are you and Judd?" Asks Leah as she pops a grape into her mouth. Its lunch and Leah, Tallulah and I are sitting in the sun. I pause, also popping a grape into my mouth as I think about it.
"I..I dont actually know"
"This is honestly just so crazy" says Tallulah, she continues "Well, I guess its lucky Nicky and I didnt work out then, right Leah?," she laughs "That would have been very awkward"
Leah smiles but says nothing. I dont think she was as on board with Tallulah and Nick as she is with me and Judd.
"Well," says Leah with an excited smile "I hope this doesnt stop you from coming to my birthday party on Friday!"
"Another party so soon?!" I ask Leah "I thought you were grounded"
Leah was grounded for having that party whilst her parents were away. But then I guess technically Judd was too but it didnt stop him.
"Yeah i am, but they allowed it because its my birthday. Besides theyve basically already forgot." She laughs.
"Then of course ill be there!" I say excitedly.
"Good, dont want you turning into a hermit because youve suddenly got a boyfrieeennd" she teases me.
Tallulah asks Leah a question about the party, but ive tuned out. What were Judd and I? I hadnt seen him since Monday morning and now its Wednesday. I didnt think we were exclusive but by other peoples reactions it doesnt seem like Judd talks to many girls anyway.

The rest of the day is taken up by me deliberating this question in my head. I look for Judd in the halls but he is no where to be seen. I walk extra slow past the janitor closet, but
Nothing.
I kind of miss him.

At home I lay in my bed, spread eagle, feeling sorry for myself. Its late. Really late. I look over at my watch. 12:00 am. Figures. Im such an idiooot. Just because Judd walked with me down the hallway ONCE doesnt mean anything. He was just being nice taking me to school. It was nothing. Im nothing. I should just forget about him and have fun at the party on Friday.

Beep. Beep.
Shit.
What if thats Judd?!
I didnt give him my number but i wouldnt be surprised. I leap out of bed. Tripping over my back pack to grab my phone off my desk. I fumble with it, almost dropping it twice before reading

Unknown Number
:Look outside.

What the fuck.
I slowly walk over to my window. My heart is racing because im freaking out. Is this Judd?! Is he outside my house?!
I slowly peer out the window.
Its Judd. He looks completely like himself, scowl and all. Except today he is wearing a hoodie its pulled up over his head. His green eyes lock onto mine. Once again he gives no signal that I should follow him.
But i do.
I quietly walk down stairs and sneak outside.
I walk over to Judd, he doesnt say anything. Just smirks at me and turns to walk to his car. I assume he wants me to follow him.
So i do.
He opens the door for me and I get in. Once inside he pulls the hoodie off of his head.
"Sorry, didnt want anyone to recognise me being at yours."
"Again, hurtfull" I say playfully.
He smiles.
"Whats going on Judd?" I ask quietly.
"I want to show you something"
I laugh.
"What? Have you now trained an army of rats to set fire to the world so you can watch it burn?" I tease.
He smirks.
"Not yet."

He turns the car on and speeds off into the night. Not nearly as fast as before, but definitely above the speed limit. We head out of town a little, heading toward a hill with a lookout thats the known spot for couples to hook up. It doesnt seem like the kind of place that Judd would go. But who knows, maybe I dont know him as well as I think.
But we keep driving straight past the look out for like 5 minutes. Then Judd pulls over on the side of the road in seemingly the middle of nowhere.
Im kind of nervous now.
And Judd kind of seems it too.
"Where are we?" I ask.
"Come on, Ill show you."
We get out the car. Its not a bad night, still warm out.
Judd grabs my hand. It shocks me. And his hand seems to buzz in mine, like its full of sparks.
He leads me through what looks like a worn out trail. I dont think many people use it.
Eventually we come to a clearing. A grassy area surrounded by trees. But above the sky is clear and immense. The moon casts light onto the clearing, lighting it naturally. The stars shine impeccably bright. We both stand there. Looking up.
"This is insane." I whisper.
"I know." He says, matching my tone.
He lets go of my hand. Suddenly I almost feel cold. He lies on the ground looking up to the stars. And for the first time in my life i see Judd look almost...peaceful?
Almost.
I join him on the ground.
"Where are we Judd?"
"My place."
I pause.
"Youre place?"
"Yeah. Dont tell anyone or ill skin you alive." He sound serious, but soft as well.
"Is this where you are when you disappear?"
I dont turn to look at him, but i know he is smirking.
"Wouldnt you like to know, Nerd."
We sit there in safe silence for a few minutes before he says
"Watch this."
He brings 2 fingers to his mouth and whistles again, a different tone this time. I sit up abruptly. Slightly scared to see what new part of the animal kingdom is going to appear before me. He laughs at me but sits up too.
He grabs my hand but I hardly notice because a beam of light has appeared through the trees.
"What the fuck, Judd?" I whisper, scared.
He moves closer to me, pressing the side of his body against mine.
"Trust me" he whispers into my ear.
As I stare, the light gets closer, although now I see, its not one light. Its many.

Fireflies.

One, then two, then 4, then 8, then 20 and then before i know its like 50!
This is insane! So incredibly beautiful! Has Judd really trained fucking fireflies?!?!
I let out a quiet squeal as I kick my legs in excitement.
"Judd!! Look!!" I say as he is clearly already looking at them. He is smiling.
I stare up at them in awe. Seems like theres thousands of them. Lighting up the clearing like it was almost daylight. I put my free arm up into the light and they fly around it. Its almost magical. I quickly look at Judd before doing a double take. He has been looking at me. His green eyes once again peer into mine. The fireflies are somewhat dispersing now. His face is so close to mine and his smell intoxicates me. My stomach is in knots. His eyes sparkle into mine. He has the same look in his eyes that he did in the car on Monday. He seems to move closer to me. His breathing is heavy. I can feel his breath on my lips. His hand is still wrapped tightly around mine. The warmth of his body pressed up against mine makes my heart race. His eyes dart from mine to my lips and back up again.
I want him to kiss me so bad.
But a look of embarrassment flickers across his face. And defeated he whispers into my lips
"We should go"
His deep, husky voice causes me to erupt in goosebumps.
But im deeply disappointed. My heart aches. Why didnt he kiss me? Did i do something wrong?!
I follow his lead and watch the last of the fireflies leave the clearing. Its still peaceful but I feel as if ive been slapped in the face with a brick wall.
He holds my hand only to help me up. I follow him back to the car. And we drive home in silence. Its still comfortable. But im hurt. I know he wanted to kiss me. I saw the same hunger in his eyes that i did that night when we hooked up. Infact, he seemed more passionate than that night?! Yet he couldnt even kiss me?!
He drops me home. He doesnt get out of the car.
"Thanks." I say politely, but he knows im hurt.
He looks at me, the same scowl as always but his eyes give him away. He looks almost regretful. He nods and i close the door. I watch him leave before sneaking back inside.

3:30 am. Figures.
Lying in bed, I cant sleep.

What the hell just happened.