{ MIXED FEELINGS }
❝YOU'RE JUST LIKE ME, YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND
I KNOW IT'S STRANGE, WE'RE BOTH THE CRAZY KIND
YOU'RE TELLIN' ME THAT I'M INSANE
BOY, DON'T PRETEND THAT YOU DON'T LOVE THE PAIN❞
[ RANT BOOK // MISCELLANEOUS, RANDOM THINGS ]
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• • • RANT #6
emotionally, i've felt. . .lost lately. i have mood swings. i feel like they're really bad. i mean; one minute i'm happy, then i'm angry or sad (on the verge of crying) and faking smiles and so on; except that my mood swings transpire so quickly, like at the snap of a finger or the flash of a lightning bolt or something. none of you may thing that it's not bad or think that it's normal, which is fine.
the thing is, my parents told me that therapy is for anything; not just one thing alone. i used to have a therapist. i don't have one anymore. i'm not sure if my therapy sessions were my lifeline but i'm beginning to think that they were, in fact, a lifeline of some sort for me.
but, i've also been feeling—lately, along with my mood swings—as if i'm struggling for air; as if my heart is just a puddle of red liquid that's either warm or hot to the touch; as if there's this heavy weight on my shoulders that i can't seem to lift at all; as if my emotions are light years away or as if i can feel my emotions but i can't quite explain them, as if they're mine but not really (if that even makes sense). i'm just really struggling here and no one sees it—or even senses it—because i keep it all hidden from public, which is probably a bad thing.
when i feel like i can't breathe, i feel like vines are wrapping themselves around me; choking me and i gasp for fresh air that seems so far away i can't even feel it brushing against my skin. i feel like i'm choking. i feel like i'm crumbling from within.
• • •
this is such depressing shit.
this was supposed to be yesterday's update, whoops.
