Aphrodite

how i loved you forever

My love,

Now perhaps, I understand. You told me that the only way our love could be everlasting, was to be in Heaven or Hell. I didn't believe you nor understand your way of thinking, but after these months without you, I do. I do believe that I must be with you in the afterlife.

I asked myself whether I would feel the wind if I jumped out of the window. Or whether I would feel my stomach rumble before my head would hit the earth. Is the Prince going to marry after my death? Would I see my mother again? Will my father weep for me? My father wouldn't even want to bury me in the Garden of Doves, next to my mother, because he wouldn't think I was a good wife for leaving my husband childless.

When I opened the window this morning, I heard the wind whispering my name and I thought this was the sign you meant in your letter. Atlas delivered it to me yesterday and I have never felt happier. When I read the first line, I cried. When I read the second line, I also cried. You have never done anything to harm me. I felt bad for leaving your questions unanswered, so I wanted to write you a letter and I hope an angel of God will bring it to you. I don't believe you have gone to Hell, Ares, since you were a genuine boy with a good heart; a heart of gold, silver and diamonds.

I wanted to tell you a secret and I pray to God and all the Gods behind Him that my father will never read this letter. The baby that I'm carrying and the baby that the Prince is calling his, isn't his. I don't know what happened the night we met, and learned to know each other really well, but something must have gone wrong. My father wanted to cover it up and made the Prince believe that it was his, but I couldn't live with the fact that you didn't know this. In the end, I will still be a bad wife for making my husband believe that a bastard is his child.

Ares, I would be a bad mother if I would jump out of the window but if this meant that I would jump into your arms and bring my child to its real father, would I still be bad? Today, the curtains seemed to wrap around me and pull me out of the window. I wanted to jump, I really did. Yesterday, the birds sang my name and told me to drown myself in the pond. I dropped my teacup and jumped in the water, but my husband ran after me. Last weekend, we went on a beach trip and I wanted to throw myself off the cliff. When it didn't work out because my father saved me, he locked me up in the villa and made me listen to piano music.

I wish that, instead of writing this letter, I could be telling you these stories but I can't let my kid be raised by these crazy maniacs. Before I wrote you this, I wished that I would die while in labor but I couldn't bare the idea that my father would be looking after my kid. Imagine if it would be a daughter and my father would practice the same sick ideas on her. I would rather kill myself now.

Last night, I slept again without seeing you in my dreams. There was no blood, no pain and no suffering so I thank you for that. I don't know whether you have a saying in my dreams but I don't know how Heaven and the world above works. However, I would rather believe that you would make me think of our lovely times together instead of seeing your blood flow in front of my eyes. I do despise our memories, because they remind me of the fun I had to give up when you were taken away.

Ares, I will find a solution. For you and for me.

I will see you soon,

Tua amata