you and i [BxB]

13

 I kissed Elliot. I kissed Elliot. I shouldn't have done that. He bolted down the hallway of the hotel until he was outside; carrying the feeling of utter confusion along with him. He feared that something like this would happen and right now, all he could do was run. "Storm wait!"

Behind him, he saw Elliot running at full speed in an attempt to catch up with him. This surprised Storm since he didn't know that he could run that fast. But this was no time to gawk at the human that he was falling for. Quickly he turned on his heels and headed the opposite direction of where Elliot was, but he wasn't quick enough. 

Elliot tackled him to the ground and flipped him so that they were facing each other; bodies on top of one another. "STOP RUNNING AND LISTEN TO ME!" His face is so close. "NO NOW GET OFF OF ME!" Elliot grabbed hold of Storms clothes and forced him up on his feet and planted his hands gently on top of his shoulders as he gazed into to his eyes in worry.

"Just listen to me-"

"I KISSED YOU ELLIOT!" After that, the two of them fell into an uncomfortable silence that lasted seconds but felt like centuries. "I kissed you and I can't just talk to you like nothing happened" With one swift movement he slapped Elliot's hands off of his shoulders and took a giant step back to create some distance.

"I didn't ask you to-"  

  "WELL, THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! You did an experiment on me just to prove that you believed in me and now you chase after me when I feel like absolute shit! Y'know what, Elliot, I hate you, I fucking hate that you go mess things up in my head uninvited!"

 He gripped his hair with his fingers and paced back and forth while the words came out naturally. "I hate that you say things that make perfect sense and I hate that you make me feel like you are the one person that gets me the way I want and I hate that you just know me" 

No, I don't hate you. That's not what I'm trying to say, but I can't stop myself from saying it. "I hate that you said those things to me the day you saw me talking to my parents, I hate that you believe in me and I hate that........... I hate that I feel so many emotions right now and I don't regret kissing you and I hate that you're turning me into someone I'm not. I fucking hate that I can't bring myself to hate you" 

Tears blurred his vision and made Elliot look like one big blob. But he felt his presence. He knew that he was right in front of him watching, listening and taking in what he was saying without judgment. I'm sorry that I can't explain this as I want to. He rubbed his eyes vigorously hating the fact that he was feeling weak. But then he looked over at Elliot; his vision now clear after wiping away the few stray tears. 

Elliot crossed his arms and sighed. 

"You're very selfish and ridiculous. Do you honestly think that you're the only one feeling the way you're feeling?  

  "I WAS RAPED BY A MAN" 

"What?" This took Storm by surprise. He just assumed that it was an older woman that sexually assaulted him; not a man. "Of course. Like anyone else, you thought that it was a woman, didn't you? Well, it wasn't and I feared males of all ages after that night. The marks he placed on my body never faded away and it has been months. I was so scared that I became mute. But look. I am here in front of you having a conversation and it scares me just as much as it scared you to feel what you're feeling" 

He stepped closer so that there was only a foot in between them. "I am talking to you because I am not afraid of you hurting me and I know that you're going to say that it is crazy for me to not be afraid of you, but I'm not. I was raped by a man and I was a mute, afraid of all guys, but not you. And for the record I didn't stop you from kissing me, do you know why? It's because we are BOTH developing romantic feelings for each other. I know it. You know it, but you don't want to admit it" 

Again like the hundreds of other times before this one, Elliot knew Storm more than he knew himself. But he couldn't have this happen. He didn't want to ruin Elliot's life with him being involved in it. So he did what he does best; lie to protect the things he cares about the most. "I can't be with you and nothing can happen between us" 

"Storm we can make this work--"

  "I DON'T WANT IT TO WORK! You may not know this, but after today you and I won't ever talk again and I'm going right back to drugs like I always do. That is just who I am" "You won't do any of that. You're only saying that because-" 

"YOU CAN'T FIX ME ELLIOT AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO TRY TO FIX ME CUZ YOU CAN'T! NOW DO US BOTH A FUCKING FAVOR AND LEAVE! I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you, but this is the only way I know how to keep you safe and away from me. You deserve better.....I'm sorry.

 Elliot looked down. He knew that Storm was only saying that, but it hurt him to hear such mean things come out of his mouth. Right now he decided that the best thing for him to do is give Storm some space, but he wanted to do something first and without thinking about it he stepped forward and closed the gap between them with a kiss. Storm was caught completely off guard and even though he hates to admit it, he didn't want the kiss to end. After a few seconds later he pulled away and looked at Storm with sad eyes. "Fine" With that final word, he left.  

  It's better this way. I can't ruin his life with me being in it. There are so many things that I have done that can come back and hurt Elliot and I can't have that happen to him. I need to protect him from my past and the only way to do that is for him to stay away. I know I did what was right........but even though I know that I want him more than anyone. But now, he will never want anything to do with me. 

"Dammit! What have I done?!" He shouted, but there was no one there to hear him.