spin the bottle

chapter 16

Elin was in the shower so I quietly snuck into my bed and went straight to sleep because I couldn't be bothered to talk about me and Tyler as it was still raw and sleep makes everything better. My sleep was disturbed by a loud knocking at the door I tried to ignore it but it wouldn't stop. I checked my phone and it was 1:30 fuck did I sleep for that long? I looked over at Elin and she was fast a sleep lucky she's a deep sleeper.

Surprise surpsrise Tyler was standing at the door when I opened it, his eyes were puffy and red , he had obviously been crying and so he should he deserves to feel the same pain I felt.  "For fuck sake Tyler go home, I don't want to see or speak to you ever again!" I whispered

"I cant throw it all away not without trying, I mean it Ocean I love you! That's the reason I act the way I do I cant control or handle this overpowering feeling I have for you. So I do dumb shit. Everyday my love for you gets deeper and more intense I don't know how to get rid of it or slow it down so I thought maybe If I have sex with someone It would slow down but I was wrong. The whole time I was with Shyann I wished and imagined I was with you. I feel guilty and disgusted for doing it and how it has made you feel I am truly sorry and if I could go back I would." his voice sounded worn out and shaky.

"Tyler you don't do love or relationships, so stop all this crazy talk!"

"Its not crazy talk because  I can't stop thinking about you, you are always in my head and I hate the fact that you can mess up with my mind just so easily. To be honest, I'm afraid of love. I'm afraid of the feeling that someone keeps sticking in my heart, making me wondering all night whether they had feelings for me too. You know, that kind of pain." he said whipping his tears.

"And that's why I want you to go because you cause me pain every time you hurt me I feel a pain that shatters my heart and I cant take it  anymore. So your going to have to forgot about the love you have for me and walk away!" I hissed closing the door. That was the hardest thing I've had to do.

A part of me wanted to forgive him and jump up and kiss him but I knew that happiness would only last so long before he would break my heart again. All of that is probably lies and bullshit, this is Tyler and Tyler doesn't know what love is. He doesn't love surely he don't. I mean he did just drive all the way over here to tell me all that shit but that doesn't mean anything. Who am I kidding he really does love me and I love him. He never leaves my mind, he's always there; mentally if not physically. It's just incomprehensible. He's my one stable force, my one stability in a world filled with chaos and I so desperately need that in my life. I love him so much for that. I'm in love with him and I can't believe I've only just realised it.

I couldn't fall back asleep as my mind kept replaying every memory of Tyler plus I had gotten plenty of sleep before that, I need to take my mind of things. I wanted to go somewhere but its too late and dark to go anyway by myself. I scrolled down the contacts in my phone and stopped on Kaleb. -hey you doing anything? I texted

Kaleb - There's not much someone can be doing at 1:45 in the morning.

Ocean- either being boring by sleeping or being fun by hanging out with me.

Kaleb- I'll pick you up by 2.

Ocean-I'll be waiting.

I threw on a my beige oversized hoodie that goes to my knees, I love wearing it cause I can curl up in it like a little turtle, I left my hair in a messy bun and put on a little lip gloss and my white trainers. I looked like a total tramp and so did Kaleb he was wearing a stained black t-shirt and sweats. The whole night I couldn't stop laughing, we only went to McDonalds drive thru (as it was the only thing open) and we just chilled in the carpark listening to songs and telling jokes. I always enjoy my time with Kaleb he just makes me forget all about my troubles, why cant times spent with Tyler be like this. Kaleb gave me a simple kiss on my cheek when he dropped me home and I'm glad I couldn't kiss him again, he's too much like a friend or a big brother.

It was almost 5 am and I had school so I should quickly try to get an hour of sleep.