Keske (If Only)...

No More Lies

Sanem was trying to reconcile the events of the day in her head. Can's mom had just arrived. After their little face-off at the door, Sanem was still reeling from the shock that this unlikable woman from the mohalle was Can's mother. How was she a part of his family? How could she have given birth to this wonderful man? He was absolutely nothing like her, thank God!

Sanem decided to make herself scarce while his mother made the rounds, introducing herself to everyone like she owned the place. She was drinking her çay in the room adjacent to the hall when she heard Can's mother say, "What is she even doing here, Can? She doesn't belong in this house. I have seen where they live, and how she behaves. She could never fit into our lifestyle, or be one of us. I think you are just having some fun while you adjust to life in Instanbul again, and I'm actually fine with that. Everyone has to find different ways to entertain themselves. As long as you realize that this is temporary".

Sanem could imagine the anger on Can's face. He didn't respond for a second. Then he called out for her "Sanem, Sanem, where are you?"

Sanem walked in, pretending like she hadn't overhead the conversation. With his mother standing in front of them, Can took her hand in his and said " Sanem I love you more than I have loved anyone in my entire life. I want to spend the rest of my days with you, I never want to leave your side. Will you marry me, and make me the happiest man alive?" He took the ring out of his pocket and held it out to her, hopeful and anxious, maybe even a little rebellious, as his mother looked on in shock. Sanem saw the ring he crafted from the moonstone and her heart almost burst with love. She really did want to tell him about the perfume and Fabri before they proceeded any further in their relationship, but she couldn't think of any excuses to put him off temporarily, and she did not want to hurt him in front of his mother. Or give his mother more reason to think she was unsuitable for him.

"Yes" , she whispered, and he engulfed her in a bear hug, lifting her off her feet. As he slipped the ring on, she saw his mom walk out of the room in disgust. Sanem's joy was tinged with trepidation. On the one hand, she wanted nothing more than to be with Can forever, but with her lie, and his mother's disapproval hanging over her head, her joy was tainted.

That night Sanem couldn't fall asleep. Keske.., if only I had done things differently, she thought. Would Can still want to marry me if he knew I gave the scent away? She knew she had to tell Can as soon as possible about the lie. She texted him and asked him if she could meet him in the morning outside the office. He responded immediately "Of course, canim, you know I would come and see you now, if you let me!"

The next morning Sanem rode her Vespa to work and found Can waiting outside the building. Her heart was beating a mile a minute. But she needed to get this out of the way. She prayed that Can would understand and forgive her. The moment she walked up to him he kissed her softly, and lovingly adjusted her hair, undoing the mess created by the helmet. Sanem plunged into her speech straight away. Telling him how she valued him and his safety above anything, including her perfume. How Fabri threatened to keep him in jail. How his reputation and that of the company depended on it. The words rushed out of her mouth, and her voice starting to quiver as she saw Can's face changing. She needed to finish what she started. As she stuttered to a stop, finally running out of words, she saw that Can's face had completely closed off. He opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again. "Sanem", he said finally. "I am so hurt and angry and upset right now that I will regret what I say, so its better I don't say anything. I don't think I can ever trust you again. This time we are really done". He turned on his heels and walked into the office.

As tears flowed freely down Sanem's face, she saw Leyla coming and ran up to her. "Ablam, I need to go to the old house to think". She took off her engagement right and gave it to Leyla. "Please give this to Can and tell him I am so sorry and I love him very much".

With that, she put on her helmet and ran towards her scooter. She heard Leyla calling out to her, but didn't stop. She got onto her Vespa and sped away. The wind had picked up and it was starting to rain, and Sanem could barely see through her tears. Every time she played back Can's words and expressions in her head, she picked up speed. Maybe she could ride away from her troubles for just a little while. She didn't see the car coming at her as she turned the corner and the last thought she had was of Can calling out her name. "Come find me, Can, please" she thought to herself, as she faded out of consciousness.