megalomanic

i. power

POWER.

Safiya never had any real power, though that never hurt her any. She was happy, happy with herself, her life and especially her child.

She never felt the need to be above others or control people; in fact she went out of her way to make herself so, small that she was nearly invisible.

Her and Xavier didn't have much, but everything they had went into providing the best life for their child.

That's all that mattered to them—her creating a hopeful life for their child. Their relationship together had been pushed aside replaced with the duties of parenthood and the struggle of finically stability.

Xavier was a drug dealer. Not because he wanted to be, but because he had to be. No one would hired a black man from the ghettos of New Orleans,so he slug drugs. It wasn't the safest thing for him, but it made sure his daughter was taken care of and all their bills were paid.

Safiya worked as a waitress at three different restaurants, she had gotten her college degree in business management, but hadn't found a place to hire her since she hadn't had any internships while in college.

Yes, they struggled but, they were happy and that's all Safiya wanted.

"Shit the light bills due,"Xavier cursed as they were on the way home from the grocery store.

Safiya frowned she was sure that they had just paid it; nonetheless she would get the amount and make sure it was paid to it's fullest.

"How much is it, baby,"she asked caressing her smallest child jamila's beautiful face.

"$156,"he mumbled angrily.

When the word insignificant is used, it was used to describe Safiya. She had no problem with being small, with only a few knowing her name and doing what it took to make sure her child were taken care of.

Xavier, well he cared he really did, but he burned on power, power over others power over things, power period.

He wanted to know what it felt like to treat people as he'd always been treated, how he always felt.

Small.

"I got it then,"she smiled happily planting a gentle kiss on her sleeping baby's face.

Xavier made no attempt to respond he just tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He was angry, angry his girlfriend had to work so hard, when that was what he was suppose to do, he was suppose to provide for her and his child and he couldn't even do that right.

Their car ride was silent expect for the occasional sounds coming from their child as they slept and the rumbling of their fucked up car engine.

It wasn't raining out, but the sky's sun was covered in clouds hiding itself as if it's presence would frighten those who saw it.

This made Xavier angry or maybe he was already angry; maybe he had built up his anger and was now beyond angry, even beyond pissed.

Maybe he was stuck in a place between anger and embarrassment and couldn't figure out which one would make his blood boil the most. Therefore, he drove them home confused and angry.

He started grinding his teeth as he pulled into their apartment complex.
Children running around adults without jobs sitting on people's front steps or even on the stairs to apartments as if they were ornaments who were bond to this place.

Xavier hated them all even the ones who were just like them just trying to get out of the ghettos and protect their family he hated them because they reminded him too much of himself.

They reminded him that there was no way out of this place, that they'd also be bond, stuck to this place like haunted spirits.

He parked the car throwing his head down on the steering wheel and sighing deeply. Safiya hadn't noticed the visible distress Xavier was in; she was too caught up in her child. The reason she woke up, worked so hard and smiled everyday it was all for her. She were all that truly mattered to her.

"I'll get her inside,"she spoke paying Xavier no mind. He didn't reply, but she didn't care he rarely ever spoke anyways. She grabbed her keys out of her purse then delicately got her daughter, jamila her taking her car seat inside with her.

She said 'hello' to a couple of their neighbors as she made her way up the two flights of stairs to their apartment.

No one sat in front of their apartment door like usual which Safiya was happy about. She opened the door happy to be home, she took Jamila to her crib laying her down as gently as possible as if she was make of glass.

"Mommy loves you babygirl,"she smiled.

"Don't forger me,"Xavier spoke startling Safiya. She sighed terrified by his sudden appearance, but smiled at his comment. He had a couple of grocery bags in his hand and the fakest smile on his face.

"And Daddy, he loves you too,"she smiled.

Xavier nodded with a smile "damn right,"he said going on to put the groceries down.

Safiya went on to get some of the groceries bumping into Jasmine on the way down. They chatted for a while Jasmine told Safiya how Rashaad had gotten locked up for getting in a fight with a nigga over the last chicken leg.

Safiya laughed at Rashaad, which Jasmine also found kind of funny, but mostly she thought it rude since Rashaad was her "about to be" boyfriend.

"Is the nigga gonna press charges,"Safiya asked after laughing a little more.

Jasmine shrugged she didn't even know who had called the police on her future baby daddy. "I have no fucking idea,"she cussed.

Safiya nodded her head as if she understood; though she really hadn't, Xavier was smart with what he did. He might not have a college degree, but he was street smart he knew how the game worked no matter where he was.

He had moved to Seattle after graduation thinking he could start fresh, actually go to college and become someone. Unfortunately that didn't happen maybe it was lack of ambition or that his GPA wasn't the best or that he just didn't have the money. Either way the world had sealed his fate before he even got a chance to look at it.

"Well you gonna get him out right,"she asked acting concerned when she could careless. "Yeh, I have to he's gonna be my man soon so,"she trailed off as though she hadn't believed her own words.

Safiya nodded "well, I'll see you later girl I gotta cook for my baby's and get ready for work tonight,"she said trying to leave the awkward situation.

Jasmine nodded giving a "bye sis" to Safiya as she walked away.

Their apartment complex wasn't large though it felt like it, people from all across the world settled here, to start over or just to live. Yes, kids were loud and obnoxious sometimes, most the adults stayed home all day, fucked around, smoking and drinking.

However, there were dreamers. People like Safiya and Xavier who wanted better, better for themselves and their children. They worked hard day and night trying their best to make something out of nothing. To give their family things a evil world never wanted them to have.

Yes, most of them were brainwashed to believe they'd never amount to anything, so they never tried anything. They slug drugs because they had to proved for their family somehow

Yes, some souls were lost, lost in sorrow, lost in feelings they tried to ignore or lost in pain. However, people loved here. Things we kept like relics and bodies were valued, no one was small here, no one felt weak or insignificant.

Here, in this place, children laughed with joy because their parents showed them no weaknesses. Adults laughed at one another to hide the pain, but things here were beautiful. Things were built and destroyed, but most things were loved.

Those who knew any better knew that love— love could trample power any day.

POWER.