My mom asks me what makes me happy? She doesn't ask this question because I'm always happy she asks me this because I'm always unhappy.
Family makes me happy, is what I believed. Then I realized that they also cause me pain. When I'm around them most of the time I'm not heard. And I'm trying so hard to remain a perfect child in their eyes till the point where I'm hiding who I truly am.
Then I thought to myself " my friends make me happy" then I realized they don't even know who I really am. How can people I don't trust to be my true self around make me really happy. But I can't put that on them because I'm trying to be something that I think they want instead of just being me.
Finally, I realized that the things in life that make me happy are the things that I can't screw up. What I mean by that is I can change the way people perceive me. Without even realizing it and I try so hard to be perfect in front of people to the point where being around them doesn't make me happy.
Therefore as long as I do things that make me feel good on the inside they will bring happiness into my life not people.
