Losing Joy

Chapter 4

Five weeks after the accident:

Joy has been doing really well is what all the nurses keep telling me. She is eating solid foods again and is currently in physical therapy. The nurses don't know if she will ever get her memory back fully or not. Sometimes it comes back in little pieces but other times it never does.
There is a nurse that is always helping Joy with everything, whether it's part of her memory exercises or just getting her food. Her name is Barb and she is such a sweet lady. Everything about her is wonderful, how much she is helping Joy and me as well. She distracts me from reality sometimes, she'll talk about her son, who is only four and is the biggest trouble maker I have ever heard of. She makes everything just a little easier for both Joy and me.
Joy had been healing well and fairly quickly. Her lung was doing better and her ribs were getting there. She has been in physical therapy for the past week as well as speech therapy. The only thing that the doctors were really worried about was her memory. She still hadn't remember anything from who she was or what she liked and disliked. She completely lost herself after the crash, which means I lost her too. She hadn't yet remember who I was and I have never felt a pain more than that. I have never really been without her. It's been us against the world. I know that I have to stay positive but it is nearly impossible when I don't have the one person of true joy in my life.

Two years before the accident:

Jack, Joy's boyfriend, was moving away. I had never seen Joy cry as much as she did those last few months together. Jack's dad got moved around a lot for work and he was lucky enough to have stayed in one place for this long. He said how he usually never got attached to anyone, but when he saw Joy he just couldn't stay away. They truly were couple goals, nothing more and nothing less. Yes, they fought but only the healthy amount. Joy was distraught and didn't get out of bed for days when he left. He wasn't just her boyfriend, he was her best friend as well. I knew that since Joy had always been there for me and now it was my turn.

Ten months before the accident:

For some weird reason the month of December in 2009 was a bust. No one was in their right mind. Never knew if it was because of the holiday season or something. Christmas was right around the corner and I hadn't spoken to Joy in a while. We still saw each other constantly, but we both were out a lot as well as busy with present and the holidays and last minute school projects. Joy and I had a tradition where we always watched the Christmas Story on Christmas Eve and made big cups of hot coco. We would bundle up into a big ball of blankets and fuzzy clothes and watch the movie or talk over it usually. Christmas Eve came along and the both of us were just so exhausted that we completely forgot about the tradition and just went straight to bed. Now I think that might have been the last Christmas I had with Joy.

Summer before the accident:

Joy and I decided to drive down to the beach one weekend in the summer. We had planned it a couple weeks before and rented a house a block down from the beach to stay in. It was the best time I had ever had. It was such a calm weekend, nothing to do or to worry about at all. We went to the beach Friday and stayed there all day before going to the house to unpack everything. Saturday night we went to the boardwalk, Joy warned me not to but of course I played the games. I spent a total of forty dollars just trying to win a huge bag of Sour Patch Kids, I never was victorious. Even though Joy was older than me, she still treated me like an equal, like an adult. She was always the only one that really understood me.

Day of the accident:

It was Halloween night and I decided to go to this Halloween party with my friends. The house was on the other side of town and the party didn't start until midnight. Knowing my mom, I lied to her and told her that I was sleeping at a friends house for the night so we could stay up and watch scary movies all night. The party was supposed to be small. It was supposed to be maybe 20-25 people total but it got way out of hand. The middle of the night is kind of a blur but I remember these football players carrying in huge kegs, one after another after another. I had never drank before, at least not like that. I hated it, I messed up and I wanted out. I knew I couldn't call my mom, I would have been grounded for life and for some reason in that moment that was more important than my own safety. I called Joy from the upstairs bathroom, my head was pounding to the beat of the music. I was dizzy and disoriented and I don't really remember what happened next. I know that she said she would come get me but after that I blacked out. I woke up in that same bathroom, head still pounding, and my phone ringing frantically. I had twenty missed calls and forty-three unread texts. I couldn't remember anything from last night and I couldn't think of what to do next. I answered the phone, mom on the other end, screaming in my ear. She was hysterical, she didn't know where I was or why i wasn't answering. I gave her the house address and she picked me up. Surprisingly she wasn't mad. She took me home and I tried to sleep off my first hangover, and then it hit me. "Where's Joy?" My mom looked down at me, tears came to her eyes again. I begged her to just tell me what happened. What did I miss from last night. She refused to say anything except, get in the car.
She drove me to the hospital where Joy was, she currently was in surgery to stop the bleeding in her brain. She had been speeding last night, on her way to get me and ran through a read light. Another car slammed right into the side of the her car, drivers side, and it was all my fault.

Yesterday:

I had just left school and I drove straight to the hospital after. I talked to Barb before going back in to see Joy. She gave me the four-one-one on Joy's current state and what she was doing right then. She told me we had to take it real slow. Her arm was just starting to heal and she was trying to write her name. I walked to Joy and greeted her gently but her eyes never moved from the blank piece of paper in front of her. "It's ok Joy, you can do it take your time." I tried to reassure her that she was going to be ok, but coming from a stranger it doesn't mean much. She finally realized that I wasn't a nurse and that I was someone close to her, but she just couldn't remember. She really wanted to and she really was trying, but nothing was clicking.
I placed my arm on her shoulder, "It's alright Joy, take your time. We know that you can do it. Just right your name. Its just eight letters, you got it. Joy Evans. J-O-Y -E-V-A-N-S"