I Like Being Alone//Sebastian x Reader

Ch. 5

We stayed like that for what felt like hours, though my watch proved it had only been minutes.

"I don't want to be with her."

I lifted my head up as he tilted his back against the tree.

"I don't," he trailed off, "but she tastes like freedom. She feels like my only way out. She feels like an anchor," he finished.

"I don't get that," I stated. He cocked his head in my direction.

"You've only been here a month, of course you don't get it," he spat back at me.

I rolled my eyes. "You don't know anything about me. I watch you with her. I watch how unhappy you are. I watch how stupid you feel with her, how small she makes you." His eyes glared into mine.

"You don't know anything about me," he echoed.

"You're right." My face softened. "And I don't think I ever will as long as she's in the picture." His face twisted in confusion.

"Just don't... settle. Don't settle for her because it's easy, or because it's convenient. She's ruining you." I said before I stood up. I brushed myself off and turned away from him, heading back towards the farm.

"She's not ruining me!" He called after me. I sighed and turned towards him.

"She's not ruining me, this place is," he finished.

"Then leave!" I shouted, exasperated. "Who the fuck is keeping you here?"

His expression was blank, face stunned. I took a step towards him.

"Has nobody ever asked you that? You have a bike, you have a job, you have everything you need. Just go already." My tone was curt. I didn't know why I was being so mean, the words just kept falling out of my mouth.

"It's more complicated than that-"

"She's a crutch. You're using her just as much as she's using you. Maybe you deserve each other after all." I spun around and headed to the cabin, refusing to look back. I felt hot, my face burning up with each step.

I moved past the community center, down through town, feet stomping against the cobble stone. My head was down, vision clouded with rage, so I didn't notice the blur of spiky blonde hair in front of me. His shoulder slammed into mine and I faltered, hands breaking into the gravel below me.

"Shit, I'm so sorry," Sam said, kneeling down to meet me. I squinted though the dark haze around me, searching for his face.

"Are you okay?" He asked, soft yet hurried. I nodded, mumbling something incoherent as I tried to regain my footing. He grabbed my arm and pushed me up, eyes darting around my body.

"I'll be okay," I whispered with a hollow laugh.

"Are you sure? You could have a concussion."

"Sam, I'm good, I'm sure I don't have a concussion," I laughed, pressing my hand into my temple.

"Okay, well, the least I can do is walk you home?" He asked, eyes expectant.

"Um, sure, yeah you can walk me home."

We walked in silence, Sam shoving his hands into his pockets, then yanking them out every minute or so before he finally broke.

"So, I heard yelling at Seb's place," he mumbled.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah?"

"Sorry. I just wanted to say that I agree with you. That Abby's using him. She kind of always has."

"So what the fuck is his problem?" I huffed.

He shook his head, reaching a hand behind his neck. "It's weird with him. He gets in his own way, but, it's like he knows that? It's like he just enjoys being a victim?"

"Yeah that makes fuckin sense," I responded, dry.

We reached the front steps and I started reaching for my keys.

"You know, I missed you," he said, staring at his shoes. I clenched around the metal in my hands, breath caught in my throat.

"I know that was weird, we just haven't hung out in a while. You were like, my best friend," he let out a hollow laugh.

I regained composure and stuck the key into the lock. I pushed the door open and gestured inside.

"You free?" I asked expectantly.

He broke a smile and relaxed his shoulders before bouncing in. He took a seat on the floor in front of the TV and reached for the remote. I dropped my keys on the table and chucked my shoes off before plopping down next to him. He flipped through a few sports channels, each time looking at me with raised brows and an expectant grin. After shooting him down four or five times, we decided on reality tv re-runs. He relaxed back onto his hands, out-stretching his arms behind him. He grazed my hand with his fingers and I impulsively jerked my arm away.

"So, uh, how are things with Penny?" I asked, readjusting my body. He snickered and shook his head before answering.

"There isn't anything with Penny."

I cocked my head and met his eyes before they flicked away.

"I didn't want to have anything with her, you know that," he mumbled, ice sliding into his tone.

I stayed quiet, eyes glued to the TV.

He cleared his throat and readjusted his body away from me.

"Sorry for bringing it up," I said quietly.

"You know, Sebastian..." He trailed off.

"What about him?" I asked, glaring into him.

"I know you're into him." He chuckled, hollow. "But he's not all there."

My lips stayed glued together while the silence permeated around the room. I reached for the remote and shut off the TV. His head jerked towards me.

"You can't keep punishing me for not being into you, Sebastian has nothing to do with us," I emphasized the last word.

"That's not what I'm doing," he said, throwing his hands up.

"Yes it is! You didn't talk to me for weeks and now this whole thing?" I gestured around the room. "You're being an ass!"

"You're making the wrong choice!" He shouted back, exasperated before jumping up into his feet. I matched his stature and stood up to meet him.

"It's not a choice, I'm not something you can fight over!"

He took a step towards me, towering over me. I stumbled back, hitting the wall behind me. He pushed his arm to the wall, trapping me against him.

"Stop," I said, voice wavering.

"Just give me a chance," he begged, dropping his arm. I relaxed my shoulders and tilted my head back.

"You need to leave."

He hung his head and shoved his hands in his pockets before turning and exiting the house. I let out a sigh of relief and grabbed my head into my hands before slouching down into the floor.

It was stupid, but after that, all I wanted was Sebastian.