The Indignity of Mortality (Sebasclaude)

9. Sebastian

Faustus and Earl Trancy had left, the manor was silent, and now I had to answer for my actions. I knew Ciel wasn't pleased, he'd let me off lightly last time, since I'd been injured and it had only been the first time, but he wouldn't be nearly as kind this time. I braced myself, before pushing open the door to his study.
Ciel sat behind his desk, a displeased look on his face, something which was further compounded by finger he was tapping against the desk, and the fact he was resting his head in his hand. "Sebastian," he began. It had been so long since this had had to happen, and it was a serious bruise to my pride that it I had pushed so far it had happened again, even when I'd been doing this long enough to know better. "Now, I can't claim to have heard everything being discussed earlier, but trust me when I say I heard enough to say your actions were uncalled for, and nearly lead my death." I was about to interject, but Ciel shot me a glare, and I shut my mouth and fell silent. "Now, obviously it takes two to argue, and Faustus isn't in the right here either, I merely expected more from you. I don't want you to be on the same level as the staff of the Trancy Manor, I want to you to be better than them - understand I want rid of those who have disgraced my family name, and my own pawn is coming dangerously close to adding himself to that list. And that's not even mentioning you disobeyed my orders. That fight would count as unnecessary, would it not?" I lowered my head, and got on down on bended knee, and bowed. It was rare for us demons to feeling anything other than hatred and twisted glee, lo and behold something like remorse, but in that moment I certainly felt guilt, and that wasn't even mentioning the sea of indignity and dishonour I was already drowning in. I was edging dangerously close to breaking the terms of the contract.
"My behavior was unbefitting of a butler such as myself, to the point where I am unworthy of the title of head butler." I could feel Ciel's eyes on me, as my mind raced to think of how I could fix things. "You have my sincerest apologies, and if there's anything I can do to at least improve things, please tell me."
"Then you'll tell me why you and Claude are at each other's throats so frequently in the first place, won't you? I've caught vague details from your pointless bickering, but not the full story, and if I'm going to dole out punishment I want it to be appropriate in proportion." I grit my teeth, but knew Ciel was right, and that I should be glad he hadn't revoked my status as head butler on the spot. I sighed, and stood, knowing this had been a secret that - unless Faustus had spoken, which I considered unlikely, since Faustus was really quite guarded - Ciel would be the first human to know about, the secret of that which had knocked me from my throne all those millennia ago.
"To understand it's important to know that when this occurred I was very high up amongst the residents of Hell, possibly second only to Lucifer himself, and Claude was seen as a freak and an outcast, which he was. It's also relevant that, well... because I was young and liked being admired, I never stopped the other members of Hell's elite from being... quite unpleasant towards Claude, and also participated myself, but if I didn't join in I would have tumbled in the blink of an eye from the ranks I'd so longed climbed. One day I was egged on, and... took my teasing too far. Claude snapped, and a fight broke out, and it was just as well that there was nothing there we could kill each other with, because otherwise... I wouldn't be here anymore. I lost to-" I paused and stopped myself from cursing, "him, and consequently I tumbled bellow even Claude in the eyes of my peers, and no longer had any place in Hell. Goodness knows it was the most humiliating experience of my life, lying beaten at his feet, and I can't go back there, ever, the animosity and teasing I'd receive if I did is impossible to put into words... That's why Faustus and I hate each other. I ridiculed him, and he kicked me from the throne I'd done so much to earn." Even now I felt the indignant anger welling in my chest, and my cheeks heating up from the sheer embarrassment from losing to Faustus of all people. When I finally stole myself to look up at Ciel, but not meet his gaze, he didn't appear intent on teasing me, and it occurred to me that not only would Ciel understand, if anyone would, but he had had it several times worse.
"Sebastian... I won't pass judgement on what you should or shouldn't find important, but... I wouldn't consider that an adequate excuse for your behaviour today, but since it's growing late and I can't help but empathise with your easily bruised and overwhelming sense of pride, I will sleep on it and decide what to do tomorrow morning," Ciel replied civilly. I bowed once again, glad that for once luck was on my side, and that Ciel was as fair as he was.
"I am forever in your debt, My Lord."
"That is not to say you're forgiven, Sebastian." I nodded, but knew the worst of Ciel's actual wrath had ceased, but of course the consequences were a whole other kettle of fish.